Page 154 - Essentials of Human Communication

Everyday Conversations 133

SkIll DevelOPmenT exPeRIenCe

formulating Apologies

Apologies are often helpful in lessening the possible negative effects of a mishap. Here are several situations in
which you might want to offer an apology. For each of the following situations, formulate one apology that you
think will prove effective.

1. Your boss confronts you with your office telephone log. The log shows that you’ve been making numerous Apologies will not
long-distance personal phone calls, a practice that is explicitly forbidden.
2. In talking with your supervisor, you tell a joke that puts down lesbians and gay men. Your supervisor tells reverse your errors, but
you she finds the joke homophobic and offensive; she adds that she has a gay son and is proud of it. This they may help repair—at
supervisor’s approval is essential to your retention. least to some extent—
3. You’re caught in a lie. You told your romantic partner that you were going to visit your parents but were conversational or
discovered to have visited a former lover. You don’t want to break up your relationship over this. relationship damage.

● Choose the appropriate channel. Don’t take the easy way out and apologize through e-mail
(unless the wrongdoing was committed in e-mail or if e-mail is your only or main form
of communication). Generally, it’s more effective to use a more personal mode of com-
munication—face-to-face or phone, for example. It’s harder but it’s more effective.

COMPliMenTs Introducing people often creates
uncertainty and awkwardness. For
A compliment is a message of praise, flattery, or congratulations. It can be expressed in face-to- some help with this everyday con-
face interaction or on social media sites when, for example, you retweet someone’s post or indi- versation, see “Introducing People”
cate “like” or “+1” or when you comment on a blog post. The compliment functions like a kind at tcbdevito.blogspot.com.
of interpersonal glue; it’s a way of relating to another person with positiveness and immediacy.
It’s also a conversation starter: “I like your watch; may I ask where you got it?” Another purpose
the compliment serves is to encourage the other person to compliment
you—even if not immediately (which often seems inappropriate).
Compliments can be unqualified or qualified. The unqualified compli-
ment is a message that is purely positive: “Your paper was just great, an A.”
The qualified message is not entirely positive: “Your paper was great, an A;
if not for a few problems, it would have been an A+.” You might also give a
qualified compliment by qualifying your own competence: “That song you
wrote sounded great, but I really don’t know anything about music.”
Compliments are sometimes difficult to give and even more diffi-
cult to respond to without discomfort or embarrassment. Here are
some guidelines.

giving a Compliment Here are a few suggestions for giving a
compliment:
● be real and honest. Say what you mean and refrain from giving
compliments you don’t believe in. They’ll probably sound insincere.
● Compliment in moderation. A compliment that is too extreme (for ViewPOinTs
example, “That’s the best decorated apartment I’ve ever seen in my What Do You Compliment?
life”) may be viewed as dishonest. Similarly, don’t compliment at Some interpersonal watchers recommend that you compli-
every possible occasion; if you do, your compliments will seem too ment people for their accomplishments rather than for
easy to win and not really meaningful. who they are or for things over which they have no control.
● be totally complimentary; avoid qualifying your compliments. If you With this recommendation in mind, what are some of the
things that might be appropriately complimented in the
hear yourself giving a compliment and then adding but or however, home? In the workplace? What would be some of the
stop and rethink what you are going to say. Many people will re- things that would be inappropriate to compliment at home
member the qualification rather than the compliment, and it will or at the workplace?
instead feel like a criticism.