Page 153 - Essentials of Human Communication

132 ChAPTeR 6 Interpersonal Communication and Conversation

● answer questions with enough elaboration to give the other person information
to use to interact with you. The more elaborate answer also signals your will-
ingness to engage in small talk, whereas the simple “yes” response can be in-
terpreted as indicating you don’t want to interact.
● avoid monologuing. Listen and be responsive to the other person. Even
small talk is two-way and requires each person to talk and each person to
listen. Remember the principles of turn-taking and dialogue.
● Remember that you will be associated with the topics you frequently select
to talk about. If all your small talk concerns the marriage of Justin Tim-
berlake and Jessica Biel, the feud between Christina Aguilera and Simon
Cowell, or Lindsay Lohan’s financial difficulties, then you might become
defined as someone who is only interested in shallow celebrity gossip.

APOlOgies
ViewPOinTs
social Media Apologizing Despite your best efforts, there are times when you’ll say or do the wrong thing
and it may be necessary to offer an apology—an expression of regret or sorrow
What kinds of apologies do you see on social media for having done what you did or for what happened, a statement that says you’re
sites? In what ways are apologies online different
from face-to-face apologies? sorry. And so, the most basic of all apologies is simply to say “I’m sorry.” In popu-
lar usage, the apology includes some admission of wrongdoing on the part of the
person making the apology. Sometimes the wrongdoing is acknowledged explic-
itly (“I’m sorry I lied”) and sometimes only by implication (“I’m sorry you’re so upset”). In many
cases the apology also includes a request for forgiveness (“Please excuse me for being late”) and some
assurance that this won’t happen again (“Please forgive my lateness; it won’t happen again”).
An effective apology must be crafted for the specific situation. An effective apology to a
longtime lover, to a parent, or to a new supervisor are likely to be very different because the in-
dividuals are different and your relationships are different. And so the first rule of an effective
apology is to take into consideration the uniqueness of the situation—the people, the context,
the cultural rules, the relationship, the specific wrongdoing—for which you might want to apol-
ogize. Each situation will call for a somewhat different message of apology. Nevertheless, we can
offer some general recommendations.
● admit wrongdoing (if indeed wrongdoing occurred). Accept responsibility. Take owner-
Watch the Video
“I Didn’t Do It” at ship of your actions; don’t try to pass them off as the work of someone else. Instead of
MyCommunicationLab “Smith drives so slow, it’s a wonder I’m only 30 minutes late,” say “I should have taken
traffic into consideration.”
● be apologetic. Say (and mean) the words I’m sorry. Don’t justify your behavior by men-
tioning that everyone does it. For example, don’t say “Everyone leaves work early on
Friday.” And don’t justify your behavior by saying that the other person has done
something equally wrong: “So I play poker; you play the lottery.”
● be specific. State, in specific rather than general terms, what you’ve done. Instead of “I’m
sorry for what I did” say “I’m sorry for flirting at the party.”
● empathize. Express understanding of how the other person feels and acknowledge the
Communication legitimacy of these feelings: “You have every right to be angry; I should have called.” Ex-
Choice Point press your regret that this has created a problem for the other person: “I’m sorry I made
Apologizing you miss your appointment.” Don’t minimize the problem that this may have caused.
Avoid comments such as “So the figures arrived a little late. What’s the big deal?”
You borrowed a friend’s car
and got into an accident—and, to make ● Give assurance that this will not happen again. Say, quite simply, “It won’t happen again”
matters worse, it was totally your fault. What or, better and more specifically, “I won’t be late again.” And, whenever possible, offer
are some of the things you might say that would to correct the problem: “I’m sorry I didn’t clean up the mess I made; I’ll do it now.”
help you explain the situation, alleviate any anxi- ● avoid excuses. Be wary of including excuses with your apology: “I’m sorry the fig-
ety your friend will have over the accident, and ures are late, but I had so much other work to do.” An excuse often takes back the
pave the way for a request to borrow the car apology and says, in effect, I’m really not sorry because there was good reason for
again next week for the most important date of what I did, but I’m saying “I’m sorry” to cover all my bases and to make this un-
your life? What would be your first sentence?
comfortable situation go away.