Page 152 - Essentials of Human Communication

Everyday Conversations 131

All of us engage in small talk, whether it occurs on an elevator, in a hallway, on Twitter, or
on some other social media site. Sometimes, we use it as a preface to big talk. For example,
before a conference with your boss or even a job interview, you’re likely to engage in some
preliminary small talk. “How are you doing?” “I’m pleased this weather has finally cleared up.”
The purpose here is to ease into the major topic, or the “big talk.”
Sometimes, small talk is a politeness strategy and a more extensive way of saying
hello as you pass someone in the hallway or meet a neighbor at the post office. You
might say, “Good seeing you, Jack. You’re looking ready for the big meeting,” or “See
you in Geology at 1.”
Sometimes, your relationship with another person revolves totally around small talk,
perhaps with your barber or hairdresser, a colleague at work, your next-door neigh-
bor, or a fellow student you sit next to in class. In these relationships, neither person Communication
makes an effort to deepen the relationship, and it remains on a small talk level. Choice Point
Despite its name, small talk serves important purposes. One is simply to pass Making small Talk
the time more pleasantly than you might in silence. Small talk also demonstrates You’re on an elevator with
that the normal rules of politeness are operating. In the United States, for example, three other people from your office build-
you would be expected to smile and at least say hello to people in an elevator in ing. The elevator gets stuck without any
your apartment building, and perhaps at your place of work. Furthermore, small indication of when power will go back on.
talk confirms to others that all is well with you. Should you scowl and avoid eye You figure now is the time for small talk.
What are some things you might say to make
contact with someone in your apartment building elevator, you’d signal that some- the situation more comfortable?
thing is wrong.

Topics and Contexts of small Talk Small talk topics must be noncontroversial in the
sense that they are something about which you and the other person are unlikely to disagree.
If a topic is likely to arouse deep emotions or different points of view, then it is probably not a
suitable topic for small talk.
Small talk is also relatively short in duration. The context in
which small talk occurs allows for only a brief interaction. Waiting in
line to get into a movie, riding in an elevator, or stopping briefly in
the hallway of a school on the way to class are the kinds of occasions
that create small talk opportunities. The cocktail party, at which
guests are meant to mingle and exchange pleasantries, is perhaps the
classic example.
Another popular occasion, which is an exception to this short du-
ration characteristic, is sitting next to someone on a long plane flight.
Here, the small talk—assuming you keep it to small talk—can last for
hours. Sometimes, as explained in the discussion of self-disclosure in
Chapter 2 (pp. 31–35), this situation produces a kind of “in-flight inti-
macy” in which you engage in significant self-disclosure, revealing
secrets you normally keep hidden, largely because you know you’ll
never see this person again. “It’s definitely true. Inane conversation is better with masks.”
© Steve Duenes/Condé Nast Publications/www.cartoonbank.com
guidelines for effective small Talk Although “small,” this talk still requires the ap-
plication of the communication skills for “big” talk. As already noted, remember that the best
topics are noncontroversial and that most small talk is relatively brief. Here are a few addi-
tional guidelines for more effective small talk.

● be positive. No one likes a negative doomsayer. So, comment on the weather when it’s
nice; move to another topic when it isn’t.
● be sensitive to leavetaking cues. Small talk is necessarily brief, but at times one person
may want it to be a preliminary to big talk and another person may see it as the sum of
the interaction.
● Stress similarities rather than differences. This is a good way to ensure that the small talk
stays noncontroversial.