Page 147 - Essentials of Human Communication

126 ChAPTeR 6 Interpersonal Communication and Conversation

In a dialogic interaction you respect the other person enough to allow that person the
right to make his or her own choices without coercion, without the threat of punishment,
without fear or social pressure. A dialogic communicator believes that other people can make
decisions that are right for them and implicitly or explicitly lets them know that, whatever
choices they make, they will still be respected.
The dialogic communicator avoids negative criticism and negative personal judgments
and instead practices using positive criticism (“I liked those first two explanations best; they
were really well reasoned”). This person avoids dysfunctional communication patterns and
keeps the channels of communication open by displaying a willingness to listen. While listen-
ing, this person indicates involvement by giving cues (e.g., nonverbal nods, brief verbal
expressions of agreement, paraphrasing) that show he or she is paying attention. When in
doubt the dialogic communicator asks for clarification—asks for your point of view, your
perspective—and thus signals a real interest in you and in what you have to say. This person
does not manipulate the conversation so as to get positive comments.
Monologic communication—the monologue— is the opposite: One person speaks and
the other listens, and there is no real interaction between participants. The monologic com-
municator is focused only on his or her own goals and has no real concern for the listener’s
feelings or attitudes; this speaker is interested in the other person only insofar as that
person can serve his or her purposes.
Communication The monologic communicator frequently uses negative criticism (“I didn’t like
Choice Point that explanation”) and negative judgments (“You’re not a very good listener, are
Turning Monologue you?”). This communicator also often uses dysfunctional communication patterns,
into Dialogue such as expressing an unwillingness to talk or to listen to what the other person has
You’re dating a wonderful to say. The monologic communicator rarely demonstrates that he or she understands
person, your ideal in every way except one, you; this person gives no cues that he or she is listening (cues such as paraphrasing or
which is that your conversations together expressing agreement with what you say). Nor would this person request clarification
are a series of monologues; there is little dia- of your ideas, because he or she is less interested in you than in representing himself
logue. What are some of the things you might
do to change this situation and to encourage or herself. Still another characteristic of the monologic communicator is a tendency
more dialogue? to request that you say positive things about him or her (“How did you like the way I
handled that?”).

The PrinCiPle OF iMMeDiACY
Of all the characteristics of effective communication, the one that most clearly defines effective
conversation is immediacy—the creation of closeness, a sense of togetherness, of oneness,
between speaker and listener. When you communicate immediacy you convey a sense of
interest and attention, a liking for and an attraction to the other person. As noted in our
discussion of impression management strategies in Chapter 2 (pp. 42–47), immediacy
strategies are often used to make someone like us.
Not surprisingly, people respond to communication that is immediate more favorably
than to communication that is not. You can increase your interpersonal attractiveness—the
degree to which others like you and respond positively toward you—by using immediacy
behaviors. In addition there is considerable evidence to show that immediacy behaviors are
effective in teaching and in health care (Richmond, Smith, Heisel, & McCroskey, 2001;
Richmond, McCroskey, & Hickson, 2008).
You can communicate immediacy with both verbal and nonverbal messages (Mottet &
Richmond, 1998; Richmond, McCroskey, & Hickson, 2008):

● Self-disclose: reveal something significant about yourself.
● Refer to the other person’s good qualities, say, dependability, intelligence, character: for
example, “You’re always so reliable.”
● Express your positive view of the other person and of your relationship: for example, “I’m
sure glad you’re my roommate; you know everyone.”
● Talk about commonalities, things you and the other person have done together or share.
● Demonstrate your responsiveness by giving feedback cues that indicate you want to listen
more and that you’re interested: for example, “And what else happened?”