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64 Chapter 3 Listening in Human Communication

SkiLL DeVeLopment experienCe

using active Listening Strategies

Here are three situations that might require active listening. For each situation compose an active listening
response in which you (a) paraphrase the speaker’s meaning, (b) express understanding of the speaker’s
meaning, and (c) ask questions to clarify any potential misunderstandings.
1. Your friend has just broken up a love affair and is telling you about it: I can’t seem to get Chris out of my
head. All I do is think about what we used to do and all the fun we used to have.
2. A young nephew tells you that he cannot talk with his parents. No matter how hard he tries, they just
Active listening allows don’t listen. I tried to tell them that I can’t play baseball and I don’t want to play baseball. But they ignore me
you to connect with and tell me that all I need is practice.
another person by 3. Your mother has been having a difficult time at work. She was recently passed up for a promotion and
demonstrating your received one of the lowest merit raises given in the company. I’m not sure what I did wrong. I do my work,
understanding and mind my own business, don’t take my sick days like everyone else. How could they give that promotion to
support. Helen who’s only been with the company for two years? Maybe I should just quit.

Communication In communicating your understanding back to the speaker, be especially careful
Choice point to avoid sending what are called “solution messages” (Gordon, 1975)—messages that
Active Listening tell the person how he or she should feel or what he or she should do. You’ll want to
Your life partner comes home avoid solution messages such as these:
from work visibly upset and clearly has a ● Ordering messages: “Do this.” “Don’t touch that.”
need to talk about what happened—but
simply says, “Work sucks!” What are some ● Warning and threatening messages: “If you don’t do this, you’ll . . .” “If you do that,
of the ways you can use active listening you’ll . . .”
techniques? ● Preaching and moralizing messages: “People should all . . .” “You have responsibili-
ties . . .”
● Advising messages: “Why don’t you . . .” “I think you should . . .”

Objectives Self-check
● Can you identify the five styles of listening?
● Can you select the appropriate listening style for the specific situation and regulate your listening
for greatest effectiveness?

Listening Differences: Culture and gender

Listening is difficult in part because of the inevitable differences in the communication sys-
tems between speakers and listeners. Because each person has had a unique set of experi-
ences, each person’s communication and meaning system is going to be unique. When
speaker and listener come from different cultures or are of different genders, the differences
and their effects are, naturally, much greater.

cuLtuRe And LiStening
In today’s multicultural world, where people from very different cultures live and work to-
gether, it’s especially important to understand the ways in which cultural differences can in-
fluence listening. Three of these cultural influences on listening are (1) language and speech,
(2) nonverbal behaviors, and (3) feedback.