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How To Survive Baby Loss

hospital I shared our story via Facebook post. I did not want
to answer all the text messages, because I felt overwhelmed
and did not know how to respond to peoples’ love, questions,
and suggestions. These are highly individual decisions about
whether you will be private or open at this time. It will possibly
be different for your spouse or significant other, depending on
their own grief and processing. In the case of early miscarriage,
you may only have a small circle of people who knew and will
need to know now.

This is also the time to find out what you can expect from
your body and the physical changes that take place after an
event like this. Seek out your doctor, midwife, or nurse for in-
formation. I find that these changes are often unexpected and
they don’t have to be.

One of the weightiest decisions while you are processing
your loss is what to do with your baby’s body. Do you want to
cremate, have a funeral service, pay for burial and headstone,
or donate your baby’s body to medical science? I called my
dad, “What should I do with my son’s body?” This was such
a hard and surreal conversation. My dad explained that nor-
mally one has a relationship and knows their loved ones likes
and their personality. We have services to honor and celebrate
their lives, and they have a headstone, especially if one wants
a place to visit. He explained we do this for us, not the person
who passed. I was torn because this decision needed to be made
while I was freshly grieving is sudden death. Do we pay money
for a place to lay him to rest? Do we cremate him? Our family
are Jewish believers in Jesus, so it seemed strange, but we chose
cremation. I had to remind myself it was not the same as Jews
meeting their end in the Nazi gas chambers. Our son’s spirit
was already rejoicing with angels in the presence of Jesus. Cre-
mation was the most affordable option. I kept thinking about
how we came from dust and return to dust. “All go to the same
place; all come from dust and to dust we return” (Ecclesiastes 3:20).
Many men and women have chosen a headstone and burial
place for their child, and it is a beautiful way to honor and show
the “evidence” of the life of their precious baby. It’s a beautiful
place to visit for loved ones.

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