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The Difference Between Wanting Someone And Needing Them

The difference between the two words “need” and “want” is colossal. To need someone implies
dependency and a habitual sort of reliance. Needing someone in times of crisis or extreme
sadness is a part of being human, but needing that person constantly is suffocating. Of course,
this does not apply to children, or even adolescents who rely on their family for support and
nurturing. This narrative applies more towards romantic relationships, friendships or business
relationships between functional adults.

A lot of people confuse “needing” someone with loving them. But they are not one and the
same. When you need someone, you lose a lot of your independence and earned respect as a
human being, because you’re constantly reliant on another person. You lose the ability and
desire to complete basic tasks by yourself, you forget what it’s like to be alone with your
thoughts, and you can barely remember a time when you were capable of existing alone.

To many that may sound like love, but it’s not. I can only speak for myself here, but I definitely
don’t want a partner who I “need” in my life to survive. Just like I don’t want my partner to
excessively “need” me. That’s a hell of a lot of pressure for both people. It’s not healthy, nor is it
fair.

Falling into neediness is not a conscious decision. It often happens quickly and discretely. Early
detection of this neediness is crucial, although often overlooked. To “need” someone is to
secure yourself a journey to the hell of codependence.

Wanting on the other hand, is the first step in learning how to love someone.
You want to be around the other person because they make you smile, they make you happier,
and time goes by quicker when they’re around.
You don’t need them to be there to walk to the shops with you, or fall asleep next to you, or sit
with you watching a film, you can do all these things by yourself. While you’re fully capable of
completing tasks alone, you like having the other person there with you. You don’t need them
to be, you just want them to be.
When you want someone in your life, you want them there because life is more fun with them by
your side. You want them because you are a complete person without them, but you know that
they make you happy. You don’t need to use them as a crutch for your self-esteem, you can
stand alone.

The difference between need and want is the difference between codependence and love.

Love and codependence are very, very different. Loving someone is much more beautiful and
rewarding than leaning on them for all things, at all times, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365
days a year.

A need is generally referred to as something that is extremely necessary for a person to survive. If
a need is not met in loving terms, the needing person would say it would lead to the inability to
function effectively. Needs are categorized into two groups. There are the objective or physical
needs, and the subjective needs.

Objective needs are those that are met through tangible things, or things that could be
measured. Examples of these include food, water, shelter and even air.

On the other hand, subjective needs are those that are often seen to ensure our mental health.
Examples of these are self-esteem, a sense of security and approval. Co-dependency occurs
when one person declares they need the other so much they cannot survive without them.