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Is this love? Love versus being ‘in-love’

There is a massive difference between loving someone and being in love. If you love someone,
you’re still in control of your emotions – you choose how you’ll allow yourself to feel and react
about that person.

If you have fallen in love, however, you are no longer calling the shots. You become hopelessly
dependent upon (and at the mercy of) whomever you’ve fallen for.

It’ is common for patients to fall in love with their psychotherapists. Why? Because there is a very
real tendency for people to fall in love with those who satisfy our emotional needs of
compassionate understanding.

Do you know when you're in love? Can it be a romance of a lifetime? Do you believe that the
person you're destined to be with is the one you're with now? Do you find all the things in life
evolves around love?

Have you ever bragged to your friends, "I'll never go crazy over a girl (or bloke)”. “I'm never
going to act like a lovesick twit!" Your friends will smile to themselves. "That's what you think" they
mutter. "Just you wait. Some day your time will come!" And sure enough, it does. Sooner or
later that person finds themselves foggy daze - ignoring friends, neglecting school or work, and
bumping into furniture.

What is this thing called love?

Real love exists when your strong tender feelings for the other are balanced by reason and
deep respect. You care just as much for the other person's welfare and fulfilment as you do for
your own. Judgements about the person are quite objective and rational. The two of you have
many values and ideas in common. You share similar goals and ideals. In short, you are
matched as well as mated. All these factors will be able to support and sustain a happy
relationship over a long period of time. To the extent they can, it is real love.

Don’t assume that because you're more grown-up in your emotional life than most other
people, you're protected from romance. The real test of emotional maturity then is not whether
you "fall in love" (become infatuated). That happens to almost all of us.

The true test of maturity is rather what you do about it. Do you react rationally to this romantic
condition? Or do you rush rashly into some foolish, perhaps permanent, commitment before the
relationship proves to be sound.

EXPECT ROMANCE AND BE PREPARED. Romantic experience catches up with all of us, young or
old, rich or poor, mature or immature. And with it comes perplexity and uncertainty. If romance
hasn't reached you yet, be patient. Your time is coming! If it has already come to you, it will
likely come again. The issue, then, is how can you act wisely once you are, "wounded by one of
cupids arrows." You need something better than a soft-eyed grin and the old "never mind, dear;
when it hits you you'll know it" routine. When you ask an honest question, you deserve an honest
answer.

Is What I'm Feeling Infatuation or Love? - There is a difference between infatuation and love.
And there is a difference between lust and love. Love is grown into; it develops over time. While,
Hollywood would have us believe love can be manoeuvred in and out of, such is not the case.
It is a clear indication that our society has an unrealistic, if not diluted, view of love. There is love,
and there is infatuation, and, though related, they are distinctly different.