Page 13 - #LoveWarrior

Ladies, what if I told you men don't normally follow their hearts? Would you believe me? For many of us women,
this is a hard pill to swallow. It means they don't always take the path they want, the path that calls to them, or the
path in their heart. I know when I learned this, my world was turned upside down. What do you mean he has not
lived his life following his heart?! I thought. This changes everything.

As soon as I made an effort to understand men, I found myself in a completely different state of mind. I had a whole
new set of eyes, a fresh perspective. I no longer felt anger or bitterness. On the contrary, my heart toward them had
softened. I felt compassion, understanding, and love. Their hopes and their dreams do not always become reality for
them. They struggle with self-worth, their identity, and their purpose in life. Forcing them to make a decision: to
either become the warrior they are called to be or retreat into a life that does not challenge them.
When I accepted this truth, my heart broke for them. I decided then that the man I spent the rest of my life with
would always have my support and encouragement. I hope understanding this truth helps us all handle the man in
our life with a little more care.

Our role as the woman beside a man is an incredibly powerful and crucial one. Sacred, in fact. We are reflections of
a man's heart – his ability to love, seek adventure, fight battles, and be gentle and fierce. We stand beside them as
“inside editions” of who they are. Are you supporting them? Loving them? And challenging them? Convicting them
in righteous love? Is your love consistent, unchanging, and not divided?

We must understand that each day they walk out the door is a day they begin a battle. The moment they leave, they
are under attack. Why then would we want to add to the war? We have the power to be their Wonder Woman,
assisting them in the defeat of their enemy, whatever or whoever that may be.

There are many reasons why men face hardships in their life. We have gone over a few of those reasons in this
chapter. For many of them, they are their own greatest enemy. They run the possibility of struggling with an
unhealed childhood scar, an unanswered question of their soul, or a paralyzing disappointment. Each having the
power to stop them dead in their tracks or lead them down a slippery slope of destructive choices, where choices
become routine behaviors.

To name of few of these behaviors: an addiction to validation, constantly seeking the approval of those around them,
an addiction to attention, a drug addiction, an alcohol dependency, or a tendency to self-sabotage, meaning set
themselves up for failure in a situation in which they don’t feel worthy or able to perform. All of which can lead
them down a chameleon-like life; where the essence of their character continues to change depending on which
environment they are in, whose approval they are seeking, or which ache they are looking to soothe.

I have also witnessed many men struggle with loneliness. Unware of the differences between honorable and
destructive loneliness, their desire for companionship is often mistaken for a negative. But, the desire to share their
life with someone is nothing short of a righteous one. Furthermore, honorable loneliness is rooted in a desire to offer
up his strength to another while sharing his life with her. The opposite is true as well. Destructive loneliness is
rooted in a desire to find strength and identity in her.

American scientist, neuropsychiatrist, and Author, Dr. Louann Brizendine elaborates on both the physiological
truths behind honorable loneliness as well as the health risks associated with a lack of companionship:

Like John, many men who are lonely think it's a weakness, but it's actually a key survival mechanism.
Mother Nature has purposely wired the state of loneliness into the human brain to cause pain so humans
will avoid it. In primitive cultures, being isolated from your tribe could be a death sentence, because
individuals could rarely survive on their own. And in today's modern world, researchers are finding that
loneliness can still be deadly. People who are lonely die sooner than their same-age peers who are not
lonely. They have found that about one in five Americans experiences loneliness and that it can be as
detrimental to your health, in the long run, as smoking.
The Male Brain, pg. 119

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