Page 137 - The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts

when you were dating?”
He responded, “Helping her with things and doing
things with her.”

Requests give direction to love, but demands stop the
flow of love.

“So, can you understand,” I continued, “how she could
feel unloved when you stopped helping her with things?” His
head was bobbing up and down. I continued. “It was a
normal thing for you to follow the model of your mother and
father in marriage. Almost all of us tend to do that, but your
behavior toward Mary was a radical change from your
courtship. The one thing that had assured her of your love
disappeared.”
Then I turned to Mary and asked, “What did you hear
Mark say when I asked, ‘Why did you do all of those things
to help Mary when you were dating?’”
“He said that it came naturally to him,” she replied.
“That’s right,” I said, “and he also said that is what he
would want someone to do for him if she loved him. He was
doing those things for you and with you because in his mind
that’s the way anyone shows love. Once you were married
and living in your own house, he had expectations of what
you would do if you loved him. You would keep the house
clean, you would cook, and so on. In brief, you would do