Page 138 - The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts

things for him to express your love. When he did not see
you doing those things, do you understand why he would
feel unloved?” Mary’s head was also bobbing now. I
continued, “My guess is that the reason you are both so
unhappy in your marriage is that neither of you is showing
your love by doing things for each other.”
Mary said, “I think you are right, and the reason I
stopped doing things for him is because I resented his
demanding spirit. It was as if he were trying to make me be
like his mother.”
“You are right,” I said, “and no one likes to be forced to
do anything. In fact, love is always freely given. Love cannot
be demanded. We can request things of each other, but we
must never demand anything. Requests give direction to
love, but demands stop the flow of love.”
Mark broke in and said, “She’s right, Dr. Chapman. I
was demanding and critical of her because I was
disappointed in her as a wife. I know I said some cruel
things, and I understand how she could be upset with me.”
“I think things can be turned around rather easily at this
juncture,” I said. I pulled two note cards out of my pocket.
“Let’s try something. I want each of you to sit on the steps of
the church and make a request list. Mark, I want you to list
three or four things that if Mary chose to do them would
make you feel loved when you walk into the house in the
afternoon. If making the bed is important to you, then put it
down. Mary, I want you to make a list of three or four things
that you would really like to have Mark’s help in doing,