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doing so, you will feel disconnected from others. You will lieve that something about you is not ok, as long as you
interpret this as evidence that you are in fact not good believe your core issue is true, you will continue to set up
enough. In reality, though, not connecting with others has others to treat you as if it is in fact true and you will keep
nothing to do with your value or rank among others. You experiencing it.
were just awkward and maybe bristly or shut down and
because of that people could not connect with you. What is the core issue for you in relationships? Do
you believe you are what way you relate yourself?
Do you see how this works? You think it's others doing some- Be it -
thing to you or seeing you in a particular way, but it is ac-
tually you creating your own results. The same thing ap- Unlovable
plies in a relationship, where the person with a particular Unattractive
core issue sets up his or her partner to activate that issue. Not good enough
Misunderstood
Let's look at where your core issue comes from, and what Not worthy of attention
it might be, so that you can start to get a grip on it: Your Not interesting enough
core issue comes from childhood. At some point you expe- Always doing something wrong
rienced a deep wounding, either by what was done to you Never wanted
or because what you needed was not given to you. It is what Too intense
you decided was wrong with you to explain the pain you Too complicated
experienced. Can't be loved
This explains the pain faced by a child, defines themselves Feel free to add your typical issues to this list, as there are
as damage happens unconsciously and automatically. When endless variations of how children justify why painful things
painful things happen to kids they take it personally and happen to them in childhood.
decide that they must be somehow defective. Then they
name how they are defective and create a personal prob- Now the question is, will you keep pretending that there's
lem that can't be solved. The thing about the core issue is really still something wrong with you, or will you start to
that it was never the truth about you. It was something watch what you think and how you act to make people treat
you made up in reaction to wounding by adults. Adults do you as if there's something wrong with you?
not hurt children because there's something wrong with the
child, but because they themselves are in pain.
There's in fact nothing wrong with you. Even if you are If you want relationships stop being a source of frustration
certain that you are somehow not okay and that is THE and pain, but rather become a source of love and connec-
reason relationships hurt, it is not. But as long as you be- tion, here's what you need to do:
Understand your core issue, so that you can clearly see
that it is not the reason for your relationship woes.
Heal, so that it no longer has a hold on you.
Start loving and appreciating all of who you are.
Learn to observe yourself and how you create the re-
lationship results you don't want.
Learn to intentionally create the relationship experi-
ences you do want.
Beware of false knowledge; it is more dangerous than ignorance
PR COMMUNICATION AGE February 2016 15
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