Page 29 - Meeting with Children Manual

Section 3

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INQUIRY SKILLS #3

EXPLORING TYPES OF QUESTIONS

By age 3, “What and Where” questions are understood:
 If you repeat a question to a child, let them know why “I asked this
before, but I don’t think I really heard what you said.” Otherwise the child will
feel they have given you an incorrect answer and may adapt by guessing what
you want from them
 “How and Why” questions are abstract and may be experienced as “blaming”
questions. “What can you tell me about… this bear?” would be better
 If a child gives frequent “I don’t know”, answers, agrees with all questions or
says something impulsively and recants – pay attention. This could indicate a
need to please or to protect someone or the child may be experiencing
coercion
 Check in with child – “is there anything more you would like to say about your
drawing /scene/ genogram – or just generally say?”
 Find ways to weave the inquiry process towards and away from a topic. Ask a
question about one of the child’s homes and then weave to the other instead
of burrowing down on one situation or symbol etc.
 Always respect the child’s wishes – “no, that’s it” – then that is it
 Everything tells you something about a child’s experience – what is shown to
you and what is left out. What is said and not said. What is a main focus and
what is a lesser focus
 Questions are often relational in nature – seeking understanding of
relationships between the child and family members
 Ask situational questions: “If this – then how would things work?”
 Ask feeling questions: “What feelings come up when…” (you could use props
or feeling faces or games for this type of information)
 Ask what if questions:
 What if your parents got along a bit better? What would that be like?
 What if you could tell your parents something … what would you like to
say?
 What if you could draw a picture of how that made you feel?
 What if you could give the picture to your parents so they know how you
feel?
 If you could have anything else at your “mum’s” house, what would it be?
 If you could have anything else at your “dad’s” house, what would it be?

 Give general information or global info: “Other kids tell me that they have
heard their parents fight … what is this like for you?”
 Use normalizing comments –
 Other kids that have had these feelings have tried… what do you think
about that?
 I have talked to a lot of kids whose mums and dads do not live together
anymore. Sometimes they say it is hard to go back and forth between their
two houses. What is that like for you?

© The International Centre for Children and Family Law Inc. This material cannot be copied in whole or in part without the express written permission
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