Page 115 - The Truth Landscape Format 2020 with next section introductions-compressed

If, in a relationship you worked hard to overcome the other person's irresponsibility and insecurity, this `"codependent'' relationship negatively affected your
self–esteem. If, on the other hand, you were dependent on another person to make the world seem right for you, your self–esteem was also hurt and damaged.

These sources helped to distort your thinking, emotions and actions, resulting in lowered self–esteem. Your thinking was affected by irrational beliefs not
founded in reality but motivated by the need to induce guilt, fear, mistrust, insecurity, and manipulation. This thinking led you to believe that no matter what
you did in life it would "never be good enough.'' This thinking led you to believe that you were nothing unless you "did something.'' This thinking did not allow
you to love yourself unconditionally for just being the person that you are.

Irrational thinking may have led you to develop a negative self–image which kept your self–esteem lowered and make you feel bad about yourself.

The repression and denial of feelings may have made it difficult for you to identify your true feelings today. Another problem could be that your feelings
were only expressed in exaggerated or explosive ways. Distorted feelings, be they repressed, denied, exaggerated or explosive, result in withdrawal and
depression, common feelings experienced by people with low self–esteem.

Distorted thinking and feelings result in like behaviors with consequences that reinforce low self-esteem, so the cycle continues until you break it.

Repressing or denying feelings of love, grief, anger, fear or any important emotion results in feelings of unresolved loss. Because of feeling the need to "look
good'' for others, you may have never gone through the wrenching emotional response to a death of a loved one, denied yourself the exquisite joy of a truly
loving relationship, suffered the pain of a lost relationship or a major failure experience. You may have denied the inappropriate way you were treated by
others, or your nagging doubts about the quality and happiness of your life. A void is created in your life by the lack of accepting and letting go of losses, fully
giving and accepting love, any one of which may have created emotional barriers which affected your thinking, feelings, and behaviours resulting in lowered
self–esteem.

Self destructive behaviours both contribute to and are the result of low self esteem. Many self destructive behaviours such as overuse of alcohol, drugs, food,
gambling, or sex may need specific and direct help to overcome.

Such behaviours are often only the visible symptom of the bigger problems emanating from your low self esteem. These behaviours require a lot of energy,
persistence, and self love to deal with. It is almost impossible to eliminate these behaviours unless you fall in love with yourself, forgive yourself for your past
and enhance your self–esteem.

Controlling behaviours and related issues are a direct result of low self–esteem. In order to keep your sanity, you may have tried to over control people, events,
and circumstances. On the other hand, you may have found greater acceptance for yourself by being helpless and dependent on others. In either case, these
control behaviours were unhealthy and negatively affected your self esteem. The road to recovery emphasizes taking self control over your thoughts, feelings,
and actions so that you assume personal responsibility for yourself and enhance your self–esteem. Page115