Page 63 - my SUCCESS! my CHOICE

Deepak Gupta my SUCCESS! my CHOICE
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The mental gymnastics was exhausting him. ‘Should I first summarize my learnings of this week

and then come back to this question? I am stuck right now.’

He switched his thoughts to last Friday session and Ron’s words echoed – “because it does

not encourage participation, Control constricts our ability and restricts our options and

outcomes…”

He drew Ron’s Control-Empathy-Compassion (CEC) triangle. Recalling Ron’s words, he

tried to reflect on the model, but Betsy and his relationship question overpowered his

thoughts, and an insightful and eye-opening realization cleared his mental fog.

‘Betsy and I were both in control mode! Trying in vain to persuade each other to see things our way.’

Suddenly he sat upright with eyes wide open; it was Eureka moment!

‘God, it was not just trying to persuade, we were both jostling to take control.’

He sat immobilized; an intriguing and innovative theory had begun to take root in his mind.

‘Each one of us is in our own personal triangle, a space that houses our emotions, including Control,

Empathy and Compassion. When we get in a relationship, large part of our personal triangles merge, creating

a common and shared emotional space. Empathy and Compassion are undefined spaces and both partners can

happily coexist there. ‘Control’, on the other hand, is a well-defined confined space with room for only ONE

person who controls the relationship.’

‘Relationships flourish where ‘who-will-occupy-Control’ is obvious and accepted, like bosses or parents in

hierarchical relationships. It is far more complicated in relationships of equals -- couples, siblings, peers, friends.

Sustaining such equal relationships is challenging; it can be done only if both partners either align and