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• Willingness not to judge the person.
• Desire to explore a problem and help the other party understand
the dimensions of the problem, possible choices, and their
consequences.

A reflective response lets you communicate to a person what you perceive

they are doing, feeling, and saying. It is clearly impossible to be the other
person and your best understanding is only a reasonable approximation.
However, despite its limitations, this approach helps you be open-minded
and not be quick to judge.

Varying the levels of reflection can be effective in listening. Also, at times
there are benefits to over-stating or under-stating a reflection. However, an
overstatement (i.e. an amplified reflection) may cause a person to back
away from the discussion while an understatement may lead to a

continuing and deepening of the intensity of the speaker’s feeling.

Reflective listening, as effective as it is, is not intended to be used at all
times and in every situation, which is neither practical nor helpful. Too
frequent use of it can irritate those with whom you are talking. Those

times when it is beneficial include:

 When the other person has a problem and needs a sounding
board to sort through it.
 When you need clarity before acting on a request.
 When you are in a meeting and feel you must disagree or

challenge what someone has said.
 When you are in a meeting and want to verify that you
understand what someone has stated.
 When you are in a direct conversation regarding a matter of
mutual importance.

One way to improve your listening is to take notes on what the other
person is saying. This obviously is not recommended for a casual
conversation, but can be effective in meetings, speeches, presentations, etc.

However, when you concentrate on taking notes, you tend to hear only half
of what is being said. You should write down just enough to let you recall

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