Page 135 - 4- Leading_from_Within

the key ideas.

In summary, effective listening skills can be acquired by doing the
following simple steps: 156

Step 1: Face the speaker and maintain eye contact.

Talking to someone while they scan the room, study a computer screen, or
gaze out the window is like trying to have a conversation with your cat.

How much of the person’s divided attention are you actually getting? If the
person were your child you might demand, “Look at me when I’m talking
to you.” Teachers of autistic children often make the children look at them
while engaging them. However, that’s not the sort of thing we say to a
friend or colleague.

In most Western cultures, eye contact is considered important to effective
communication. When we talk, we tend to look each other in the eye. Of
course, that can’t happen if you aren’t facing one another. However, keep
in mind that in some cultures it is very impolite and even an insult to look
someone in the eye. Where eye contact is appropriate, if the other party
isn’t looking at you but continues to talk, you should still stay focused on
their eyes.

Step 2: Be attentive, but relaxed.

Once eye contact has been made, it is time to relax. It is counter-productive
to stare fixedly at the other person. You can look away now and then and
carry on like a normal person. The important thing is to be attentive.

To aid in being attentive, it is helpful to mentally screen out distractions,
like background activity and noise. In addition, try not to focus on the
speaker’s accent or speech mannerisms to the point where they become
distractions. Finally, don’t be distracted by your own thoughts, feelings, or
biases. Come to the conversation fully prepared to listen.

Step 3: Keep an open mind.

Listen without judging the other person or mentally criticizing the things
he/she tells you. If what is being said makes you uncomfortable, it is

156 Dianne Schilling, “Ten Steps to Effective Listening.”
http://www.forbes.com/sites/womensmedia/2012/11/09/10-steps-to-effective-listening/.

David Kolzow 135