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We all think and speak at different rates. If you are a quick thinker and an
agile talker, the burden is on you to relax your pace for the slower, more
thoughtful communicator or for the person who has trouble expressing
himself/herself.

Step 6: Don’t impose your “solutions.”

When listening to someone talk about a problem, refrain from suggesting
solutions. Most of us don’t want someone else’s advice anyway. If we do,
we’ll ask for it. Most of us prefer to figure out our own solutions. We want
to be listened to, which often helps us to figure things out for ourselves.

Step 7: Wait for the speaker to pause to ask clarifying questions.

When you don’t understand something, of course you should ask the
speaker to explain it to you. But rather than interrupt, wait until the
speaker pauses. Then say something like, “Could you help me better

understand what you just said about…”

Step 8: Ask questions and make comments only to ensure
understanding.

How often have you been in a conversation when you mention a trip you
just took and the other person jumps in to go into detail about having been
there as well and what they did. Or you are discussing a new work process

and the other party starts asking questions about things that have little or
nothing to do with what is being discussed. Unfortunately, this happens
all the time. These diversions lead people in directions that have nothing
to do with where they thought they were going. Sometimes we work our
way back to the original topic, but very often we don’t.

An effective listener would notice that a statement or question has led the
speaker astray, and would take responsibility for getting the conversation
back on track.

Step 9: Try to feel what the speaker is feeling.

The concept of empathy will be discussed shortly, but it should be noted
that it is important to try to understand and reflect another person’s
feelings if you really intend to understand their communication. Empathy

David Kolzow 137