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_____19. Find myself making others uncomfortable when I use a lot of eye contact.

_____20. Rarely let those I work with know what I am thinking about. That’s just the
way that I am.

Exercise 20: Practicing Effective Listening

For at least one week, at the end of every conversation in which
significant information is exchanged, conclude with a summary
statement. In conversations that result in agreements about future
obligations or activities, summarizing will not only ensure accurate
follow-through, it will feel perfectly natural. In conversations that do
not include agreements, if summarizing feels awkward just explain
that you are doing it as an exercise.

Nonverbal Communication

Interpersonal communication certainly involves the explicit meaning of
words, which is the information or message being conveyed. However, it
also refers to implicit messages, whether intentional or not, which are
expressed through non-verbal behaviors. If you exclude email, texting, and
tweeting, the majority of direct communication we experience is probably
nonverbal. Communication experts estimate that only 10 percent of our

communication involves the words we speak. Another 30 percent is
represented by how we speak, and 60 percent by our body language.

In other words, we obtain a great deal of information about each other
without saying a word. Even over the telephone, you can learn almost as
much about a person from the tone and cadence of his/her voice than from

anything being said. A smiling or frowning face often says much more
than the words being spoken.

Face-to-face with a person, it is possible to detect enthusiasm, boredom, or
irritation very quickly in the expression around the eyes, the set of the
mouth, or the position of the arms. These clues should be paid attention to.

When listening, remember that words convey only a fraction of the
message. For example, if you realize you are not listening attentively,
physically move forward in your seat, or, if standing, toward the speaker if

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