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welfare of the other -- it may be impossible for people to resolve important
conflicts. However, when strong emotions overwhelm reason, the ability
to deal with differences between two or more parties will be significantly
impaired.

If we know that emotions play a large role in the outcome of a negotiation
or dispute, it only makes sense to think as much about ways to influence
the emotional state in a communication as we would think about other
communication strategies. This is especially true since the feelings we have

toward the other person are likely to influence not only any current
problems, but future problems as sell.

It may be true that you can fully empathize only based on things you have
actually experienced. If you have never loved, it would be difficult to

empathize with someone who is in love and even more difficult to
empathize with someone who has lost a loved one. To communicate
empathically, however, you don’t really need complete empathy. Caring
about or wanting to share a person’s feelings is often enough.

Empathic listening is not easy. The truth is that most of us don’t really
want to see things from a point of view other than our own. If we let

ourselves see things as others do, we run the risk of being changed. Our
own attitudes and values might be threatened. Empathy and the
willingness to change one’s perspective, however, is a key characteristic of
an effective leader.

Empathic listening is even more difficult because it is usually needed when
emotions are involved. The very emotion of the situation interferes with
the effort to see things as someone else does. But if we impose our own
values and perceptions – in other words, evaluate instead of understand –
we’ll find it nearly impossible to empathize with people whose values
differ from ours.

In spite of the difficulties associated with emphatic listening, we usually
benefit from doing so. Interpersonal relationships seldom move beyond
mere acquaintance unless people work at understanding each other’s
feelings as well as ideas. Empathic listening is the best way to assess

David Kolzow 147