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situation” quality, for in reality, no one can really get “inside the head” of
another. Empathy, then, is the capacity to put oneself in the shoes of others
and understand their "personal world of meaning" -- how they view their
reality and how they feel about things. Empathy demonstrates a concern

for one another's wellbeing. A person who feels empathetically
understood by someone is very generally receptive to a relationship with
that individual.

Understanding the other side's thinking is not simply a useful bit of
information that will help you solve a conflict. Usually, their thinking is
the problem. Whether you are making a deal or settling a dispute,
differences are defined by the difference between your thinking and theirs.
Ultimately, it is "reality" as each side sees it that is the primary problem in
resolving a conflict or carrying out a negotiation. Sensitivity to the needs of
others, and the ability to listen and to recognize the value of other

members’ contribution to the organization’s products and services, are
essential elements in the building a “team.”

This perceptual problem also opens the way to a solution. When we are
seeking to influence some decision by the other side, it helps to begin by

asking ourselves what decisions we would like the other side to make (and
then consider what we might do to make that decision more likely). 159

As a listener, empathizing involves being able to understand what the
speaker is feeling because you have felt the same emotion before. This also

is to show that you care about the emotion of the conversation. Such
phrases as “you seem to be really frustrated” or “I sense disappointment,”
indicate an attempt to be more empathetic. All of this is not an easy thing
to do. It takes energy and concentration. But it is a very helpful in
facilitating communication.

Emotions and emotional sensitivity are also important to our effectiveness
in problem-solving. We would like our actions to be well reasoned and
make sense, but no successful relationship is free of emotions. In fact,
without appropriate emotions -- including some caring by each side for the

159 Roger Fisher and William Ury. Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In. New York:
Houghton Mifflin, 1981, p. 22.

David Kolzow 146