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is the heart and soul of good listening. 157 To experience empathy, you have to
put yourself in the other person’s place and allow yourself to feel what it is
like to be that individual at that moment.

Step 10: Give the speaker regular feedback.

The speaker is more likely to believe that he or she is being understood
when appropriate and frequent feedback is received. This can be as simple
as repeating what someone has just said. This can be overdone, but it does

demonstrate that you are listening. It also provides an opportunity to
think about your response to that comment before you blurt out some
response that may be inappropriate.

If the speaker’s feelings are hidden or unclear, it can be helpful to

occasionally paraphrase the content of the message. This puts meaning into
what you are saying and shows that you are thinking about what the other
person has said.

Even the use of appropriate facial expressions or a simple nod or
exclamation can demonstrate attentiveness and understanding. The idea is

to give the speaker some proof that you are listening, and that you are
following his/her train of thought.

In situations where a specific task needs to be done, regardless of whether
at work or home, it is extremely effective to restate instructions and
messages to be sure you understand correctly.

In summary, we should be as thoughtful about preparing to listen as we
are about preparing a speech. Good listening requires preparation,
concentration, and reflection. Much more can be said about listening skills,
and this discussion isn’t dealing with the communication skills associated
with writing, speaking, and presenting. The concern here is to emphasize

the importance of good interpersonal communication, which is a key skill
that any leader needs to have.

157 Dianne Schilling, “Ten Steps to Effective Listening.”
http://www.forbes.com/sites/womensmedia/2012/11/09/10-steps-to-effective-listening/.

David Kolzow 138