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How to Spot Your Emotional Triggers

Learning your emotional red flags is a way to boost your emotional intelligence.

Have you noticed how certain topics evoke in you a variety of emotions? Mainly unpleasant ones. Some
might make you angry or envious. Guilty or sad. Or, unlike your friends or close ones, it truly bothers
you when people ask you about certain personal issues. For some, it's questions or conversations about
money; for others, it's romantic relationships; for others, reading or receiving engagement news; and so
on.

Many times, these feelings of anger, sadness or envy, can generate a strong feeling of shame. Shame
because we are not living up to our own expectations or that of other people.

In Brené Brown's latest book, Dare to Lead, she mentions, “wherever perfectionism is driving us, shame
is riding shotgun." And many of these emotional triggers stem from perfectionism. We feel ashamed to
admit that we are angry because we see a co-worker get a promotion. Or when we see that our best
friend is on her second pregnancy, and we might still be struggling with fertility.

Whatever the "theme" or "topic" that fosters these unpleasant feelings in you, it is important to put
shame aside. As Brené Brown motivates us to do, embrace vulnerability and truly ask ourselves: "What
is it about this person's experiences or opportunities that make me so angry?" If we allow ourselves to
ask this question, we can begin to spot our emotional triggers.

What is an emotional trigger?

An emotional trigger is any topic that makes us feel uncomfortable. These emotional triggers are telling
us which aspects in our life we might feel frustrated or unsatisfied with. As mentioned above, it can vary
in each person because we are all struggling with something different.

When we can identify what bothers us, we can take action to protect our mental health. Even though we
can't avoid all of the situations that may emotionally trigger us, we can take actionable steps to take care
of ourselves and develop a strong inner voice to help navigate us through these uncomfortable
situations.

When we know our emotional triggers, we can choose not to expose ourselves to situations that harm
our mental health or to digital content that can generate unpleasant emotions. The idea is not to run
away from these situations and create a bubble that separates you from the outer world, however. Being
aware simply helps us know our limitations and avoid — as much as possible – exposing ourselves to
those situations that hurt us and negatively affect our mental health and self-esteem.

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