Page 16 - Relationships101 A Guide To Building Healthy Relationships Final 1

from situations that may arise with an acquaintance. However, being in a relationship comes with a
responsibility to always work through and resolve issues that may arise if you want the relationship to
grow.

It is tempting to fantasize about being in a relationship or form one simply because of loneliness, based
on the appeal of having someone in your life. Or form one based on physical attraction. Some decide
they are ready to settle down and start a family. And even with that level of readiness, the foundation
you lay will determine whether you build a relationship that lasts or one that is built on quicksand.

How many people started a relationship to settle down and took their time to find the “right” person, and
the marriage still ended in divorce? Why do you think that happened?

Some people are so busy looking for someone to fill their empty space or ease their loneliness that they
skip over building the type of foundation for a relationship that will last. Some put aside their own
values just to have companionship. And fall in love but are unable to build the relationship because they
have not laid a solid foundation because they were so hungry for companionship.

Without a healthy foundation that is built on transparency, vulnerability, trust, intimacy, emotional and
psychological support, and commitment to resolve issues and protect each other’s well-being, the
relationship cannot survive the triggers that throw love off course and kills it.

One of the most lethal love assassinators are emotional triggers from unresolved issues, pain, and
trauma in one’s life that is brought into relationships of any kind. It is easy to be loving when you feel
comfortable and safe. But the ability to feel comfortable and safe when you feel vulnerable is where
most relationships fail when you have not taken the time to heal past trauma in your own life.

Much like a gun can kill a living thing each time the trigger is pulled and a bullet released, triggers kill
the love in a relationship, piece by piece, every time a trigger is allowed to be unleashed.

This article by Mariana Plata, a clinical psychologist, written for Psychology Today, October 31, 2018,
lends insight into emotional triggers and the importance of identifying them in yourself. All
relationships begin and end with you. All relationships experience growing pains. The greater the level
of your emotional intelligence, the greater your chances are of building relationships that last.

16