Page 11 - Relationships101 A Guide To Building Healthy Relationships Final 1

down the road. It took me getting down the road to be able to clearly see the harsh reality of the toll the
collateral damage that had taken in my life because I allowed toxic cycles to continue with people who
are not willing to resolve or heal issues.

There is something about accepting the truth of who people are, no matter what the truth is and no
matter who they are. Doing so provides a protection and liberation from being trapped on the toxic
behavior hamster wheel because of a sense of obligation to fulfill the job description for the title you
hold in their life. Do not do it. Your first responsibility in life is to take care of yourself. Always
monitor and maintain your well-being. Do not allow toxic energy into your life. It is toxic. Nothing
good will come out of it. All you can do is offer a person the opportunity to create a healthy bond with
you. Where you both address what each other bring into the dynamic if need be. If they refuse, there is
nowhere else you can go with them if their toxic behavior is affecting your wellbeing.

This was what I needed to know early on. Being a God-fearing person, I only focused on my
responsibility to honor my parents and to treat my neighbor as myself. I needed to realize my neighbor
had the same responsibility and remove myself from toxic people quickly or not put myself in any
position where I give toxic people access to me. Instead, I chose to stay on the hamster wheel because I
honored and respected my parents. I loved them and my siblings unconditionally. And I still do. But I
am done with being on the hamster wheel, trying to get them to work our issues out. I told them that if
they want a relationship with me, they will have to come out of their comfort zone and initiate the
relationship by addressing the issues we need to resolve to have a healthy connection. It takes both
parties.

My thoughts were always, this is my family. I love them and I could not fathom giving up on them. I
thought it was my moral obligation to repair any breech I had with them. But it seemed the more I tried
to repair our bond, the more entangled I became in toxic behavior. Things got to the point where I could
no longer endure our family dynamic. When I realized the damage that was done and that was still
being done to my life, I saw that I had only two choices. Continue to allow these cycles to damage me
or finally protect myself.

The Epiphany
I was so focused on us being a healthy loving family that I neglected myself and I allowed others to
systemically neglect me as well. One day a light came on. I looked at the choices each person made
over 4 decades. I realized that their dysfunctional behavior has been consistent, like never calling me to
discuss ANYTHING, blaming me for things I had not done without talking to me, and creating a
negative narrative about me by sharing their unsubstantiated opinions with others. I also realized the part
I was playing that enabled the behavior. I wasn’t accepting the reality that they had already told me
where they stood regarding my requests to heal things by how they had consistently ignored the requests
for decades. I realized I had decades of behavior that showed me how they felt about wanting a better
relationship with me that I had never considered. I did not see that they had been making choices

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