Page 7 - Relationships101 A Guide To Building Healthy Relationships Final 1

Chapter Two ~ My Story

So, there we were, all 4 of us, ages 5, 6, 7, and 9, lined up in the hall watching Jackie get her whipping
while we waited for our turn. While you wait, you cry for Jackie as you watch her writhe in pain from
the folded extension cord hitting her 12-year-old tender flesh. And then you realize you are next. After
each whipping, we sat on the bed with my mother, and she would rub Vaseline on the welts that were
left all over our little bodies. Whippings took place on a weekly basis, until I left home as a teenager
after my father made us watch him strip my baby brother naked and beat him with hose until he was
hospitalized because his testicles swelled up to the size of two soft balls. He always made us watch like
we were at a movie. The only thing missing was the popcorn.

What does this have to do with intimate relationships? Relationships start in the home. The first
relationship you will ever have will begin in your home. These relationships have a direct bearing on
the relationship you develop with yourself. The relationship you develop with yourself have a direct
bearing on the relationships you develop with others.

I started with my personal story to reveal how easy it is to think we are okay and ready for a
relationship, when the truth is that we have no idea of the impact our upbringing and relationship history
has had on us. Especially in cases where there was dysfunctional, toxic behavior that impacted our
psychological and emotional wellbeing.

There was a time when my personal life was no picnic. The information in this book changed the quality
of my life’s experiences. The quality of the relationships with my parents, siblings, and extended
family, through 4 generations, has been extremely dysfunctional. And it still is.

I spent my lifetime trying to heal my family bond while also trying to avoid getting entangled in my
family’s dysfunctional web. But I always ended up being the bad guy. I have lived this all my life.
When asked if I have done something to them? I am told no. Or they never give me an answer so we
can fix it.

A lifetime of experiencing this has taught me one powerful lesson: You cannot heal situations with
people who are not open to resolving issues that require self-examination.

Do you know people like this or does this describe you?

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