Page 10 - Relationships101 A Guide To Building Healthy Relationships Final 1

You are reading this book because I went on a lifetime journey to learn how to have healthy
relationships. What you read in this book and the books to follow is what has helped me escape living a
life of dysfunction or enabling dysfunction of any kind in my life.

This book is filled with a lifetime of lessons. All of which were learned by trial and error because it was
hard for me to believe and then accept the fact that the people whom I shared blood with could care so
little about my wellbeing. But sociopaths and passive aggressive abusers have no conscience. Believe it.
It’s true.

The reality I witnessed firsthand, for decades, from people whom I thought, because we were “loved
ones” would automatically be interested in our collective mental, emotional, and physical health is the
one thing that if you get nothing else from reading this book, the utmost important thing for you to
understand is, if a person is not open to resolving issues, IT IS IMPORTANT TO STOP RIGHT
WHERE THE RELATIONSHIP IS WITH THEM. DO NOT GO ANYTHING FURTHER. THERE IS
NO HEALTHY PLACE TO GO UNTIL THEY ARE ON BOARD WITH MAKING AND KEEPING
YOUR RELATIONSHIP HEALTHY. IF YOU PROCEED WHEN A PERSON IS UNWILLING TO
ADDRESS THEIR BEHAVIOR, IT WILL NOT STOP. PROTECT YOURSELF FROM THEIR
BEHAVIOR – LEAVE THEM ALONE. Stop investing your emotions in that connection. Step back
and love them from a distance.

This may be hard to do if you are experiencing this with a spouse or immediate family member. But
you must accept the truth and change the course of the relationship with the person. That may even
mean cutting ties. Cut ties with your parents, spouse, siblings, and children? That does not sound
reasonable, right?

Well, you may choose instead to ignore the behavior just to get along. But understand that the collateral
damage that the behavior can cause to your quality of life can rob you of things that you do not realize
are gone until it is too late. And in some cases, you can never get them back. If you spend your time
trying to convince people to work things out, by the time you realize the toll it has taken on your life, it
is too late for some of the opportunities that you may have lost.

Toxic energy is deceptive. Like Chloroform, that gives off a rather sweet and aliphatic smell, while its
invisible vapor subtly permeates your body and knocks you out. By the time you realize what is
happening in toxic situations, a lot of damage is done. Even the relationship with yourself. I remember
subconsciously making decisions that were based on the way I allowed my family to make me feel.
Self-sabotage became second nature.

I talk to people who were once happy go lucky, who are now dealing with a toxic loved one. There is a
marked difference in their mindset and energy. The difference between them is astounding. The sad part
is they cannot see the result of how dealing with that energy deficit is eventually going to leave them

10