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regarding my requests to heal our family issues all along that I ignored. And that they were comfortable
with the choices they have made, and I was not accepting their choices by continuing to try to heal our
bond.

I had an epiphany that made everything so clear to where I immediately ceased and desisted from
working on improving the state of our bond. I realized that all this time, their behavior clearly showed
that they had decided decades ago that they are not interested in having a healthier bond with me.

Perhaps because it requires facing things that are painful for them that they are not ready to face or deal
with. I realized that I had done everything I could. And that was my ah-ha moment. There is nothing
else I could do. And so, I set and accepted the new boundaries I established for dealing with them.

They know what I want from them. I have been telling them for years. I am not putting myself through
the torture anymore. If they want to talk to me, each one of them will have to start right here, where we
left off. I do not care if it is 10 years from now. Where we left off is where we will begin the discussion
about healing our dysfunctional, toxic bond.

Either they want a healthy relationship with me, or they don’t. After decades of trying to get them to
choose to work on this, I am now okay with losing them to protect my well-being. I love them and I am
at peace with whatever they choose. And that is the point of writing this book.

There were times when I would cry and pray because I could not fathom not having a relationship with
my family. Recently, I had a health scare that if it went undetected, I would have died. I did not want to
speak to my family because the event made me realize that they would have allowed me to go to my
grave treating me like this. They finally got me to speak to them. We talked but their behavior has not
changed. So now I know, had I died, my life would have ended with them walking past my coffin
without any change after all of my requests. My life would have ended with them still doing nothing
about resolving our issues after spending my lifetime pleading with them. That leaves me sad.

I am sharing this with you to say, be careful of whose wellbeing you invest in. You could end up dead
and never see them return and invest in yours. I am also sharing this to lovingly tell you the truth about
the downside of human nature that I wish someone would have shared with me. It is okay for people to
have issues. Issues are an invitation to grow. That is their purpose. But there is a downside that you
should be aware of so you can avoid experiencing collateral damage.

I recognized that my family never developed the ability to effectively communicate. Probably because
my parents were never taught how, or they never had a safe or healthy place to express themselves.
Through dysfunction and toxic behavior was how my parents released their pinned-up fears, frustration,
and anger. To this day, every conversation about healing what is wrong turns into a fiery argument
where my mother always says to me, “here you come with your garbage.”

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