Page 167 - It Ends with Us

It was probab ly no lat er than ten o’clock whe n he got the re, but we tal ked so

much, I remember it was af ter midn ight the next time I looked at the clock. I
can ’t even remember what al l we tal ked ab out, but I do remember how I felt. He
seemed so hap py an d the re was a light in hi s eyes that I’d never seen the re
before. Li ke he ’d final ly found hi s ho me.
He sai d he wan ted to tell me somethi ng an d hi s voice grew serious. He
readj usted me so that I was straddl ing hi s lap , becau se he wan ted me to look

hi m in the eyes whe n he told me. I was thi nking may be he was ab out to tell me
he had a girlfriend or that he was leav ing even sooner for the militar y. Bu t
what he sai d next sho cked me.
He sai d the first night he went to that old ho use, he was n’t the re becau se he
neede d a plac e to stay.
He went the re to kill hi mself.
My han ds went up to my mouth becau se I had no ide a thi ngs had gotten

that bad for hi m. So bad that he di dn ’t even wan t to live an ymore.
“I ho pe you never know what it’s like to feel that lonely, Li ly,” he sai d.
He went on to tell me that the first night he was at that ho use, he was
sitting in the living room floor with a raz or blade to hi s wrist. Right whe n he
was ab out to use it, my bedroom light went on. “You were stan di ng the re like
an an gel, bac klit by the light of heav en,” he sai d. “I couldn ’t tak e my eyes of f

you.”
He wat ched me wal k around my bedroom for a whi le. Wat che d me lie on the
bed an d write in my journal . And he put do wn the raz or blade becau se he sai d
it’d been a month since life had given hi m an y sor t of feeling at al l, an d
looking at me gav e hi m a little bit of feeling. Enough to not be numb enough to
end thi ngs that night .
The n a day or two lat er is whe n I took hi m the food an d set it on hi s bac k

porch. I guess you al ready know the rest of that stor y.
“You sav ed my life, Li ly,” he sai d to me. “And you weren’t even tr ying.”
He lean ed for ward an d kissed that spot between my sho ulde r an d my neck
that he al way s kisses. I liked that he di d it ag ai n. I do n’t like much ab out my
body, but that spot on my collar bone has become my fav orite par t of me.
He took my han ds in hi s an d told me he was leav ing sooner than he

plan ned for the militar y, but tha t he couldn ’t leav e witho ut telling me than k
you. He told me he ’d be gone for four year s an d that the las t thi ng he wan ted
for me was to be a sixteen-year -old girl not living my life becau se of a boyfriend
I never got to see or he ar from.