Page 170 - It Ends with Us

I still do n’t know who cal led the police. I’m sure it was my mothe r, but it’s

been six months an d we still hav en’t tal ked ab out that night . By the time the
police got to my bedroom an d pulled my fat he r of f of hi m, I di dn ’t even
recognize Atlas , he was covered in so much blood.
I was hy sterical .
Hysterical .
No t only di d the y hav e to tak e Atlas aw ay in an am bulan ce, the y al so had

to cal l an am bulan ce for me becau se I couldn ’t breat he . It was the first an d
only pan ic at tac k I’ve ever had.
No one would tell me whe re he was or if he was even okay. My fat he r was n’t
even ar rested for what he ’d do ne. Word got out that Atlas had been stay ing in
that old ho use an d that he had been ho meless. My fat he r becam e revered for hi s
he roic ac t—s av ing hi s little girl from the ho meless boy who man ipulat ed he r
into hav ing sex with hi m.

My fat he r sai d I’d sham ed our who le fam ily by giving the town somethi ng to
gossip ab out. And let me tell you, the y still gossip ab out it. I he ard Kat ie on the
bus toda y telling someone she tried to war n me ab out Atlas . She sai d she knew
he was bad news from the moment she lai d eyes on hi m. Whi ch is crap . If Atlas
had been on the bus with me, I probab ly would hav e kept my mouth shu t an d
been mat ure ab out it like he tried to teac h me to be. Instead, I was so an gr y, I

turned around an d told Kat ie she could go to he ll. I told he r Atlas was a better
hu man than she ’d ever be an d if I ever he ard he r say one more bad thi ng ab out
hi m, she ’d regret it.
She just rolled her eyes an d sai d, “Jesus, Li ly. Did he brai nwas h you? He
was a di r ty, thi eving ho meless kid who was probab ly on dr ugs. He used you for
food an d sex an d now you’re de fendi ng hi m?”
She ’s lucky the bus stopped at my ho use right the n. I grab bed my bac kpac k

an d wal ked of f the bus, the n went inside an d cried in my room for three ho urs
strai ght . No w my he ad hu r ts, but I knew the only thi ng that would mak e me
feel better is if I final ly got it al l out on pap er. I’ve been av oidi ng writing thi s
letter for six months now.
No of fense, Ellen, but my he ad still hu r ts. So do es my he ar t. May be even
more right now than it di d yesterday. Thi s letter di dn ’t he lp one dam n bit.

I thi nk I’m going to tak e a break from writing to you for a whi le. Writing to
you reminds me of hi m, an d it al l hu r ts too much. Until he comes bac k for me,
I’m just going to keep pretendi ng to be okay. I’ll keep pretendi ng to swim, whe n
real ly al l I’m do ing is float ing. Bar ely keeping my he ad ab ove wat er.