Page 271 - It Ends with Us

feel s good sha ring thi s with hi m, but I’m also scared I might be giving

hi m false ho pe.
Now tha t he’s here and he saw the nu rser y, I’m no t sure wha t to do
nex t. It’s glaringly obvious tha t we need to discuss a lot of thing s, but I
ha ve no idea where to start. Or ho w.
I walk over to the rocking chair and take a sea t. “Naked truth?” I
say, looking up at hi m.

He ex hales a hu ge brea th and no ds, then takes a sea t on the sofa.
“Pleas e. Lily, plea se tel l me you’re rea dy to talk about thi s.”
His rea ction ea ses my ner ves a little, kno wing he’s rea dy to discuss
ev er ythi ng . I wrap my arms around my stomach and lea n for ward in
the rocking cha ir. “You go firs t.”
He clasps hi s ha nd s toget her bet ween hi s knees . He looks at me
with so much sinc eri ty, I ha ve to glanc e away.

“I don’t kno w wha t you want from me, Lily. I don’t kno w wha t role
you want me to ha ve. I’m trying to give you all the space you need ,
but at the same time I want to hel p more tha n you possibly kno w. I
want to be in our baby’s life. I want to be your hu sband and I want to
be good at it. But I ha ve no idea wha t’s going thro ugh your hea d.”
His words fil l me with guilt. Des pite wha t ha s ha ppened bet ween us

in the past, he’s still thi s baby’s father. He ha s the leg al right to be a
father, no matter ho w I feel about it. And I wan t hi m to be a father. I
want hi m to be a good father. But deep down, I’m still ho lding on to
one of my bigges t fea rs, and I kno w I need to talk to hi m about it.
“I would nev er keep you from your chi ld, R yle. I’m ha ppy you want
to be inv olved . But . . .”
He lea ns for ward and buries hi s face in hi s ha nd s with tha t last

word.
“Wha t kind of mother would I be if a small part of me does n’t ha ve
conc ern in reg ard to your tem per? The way you lose cont rol? How do
I kno w somet hi ng won’t set you off whi le you’re alone with thi s baby?”
So mu ch agony floods hi s ey es, I thi nk they might burst like dams.
He beg ins to sha ke hi s hea d adamant ly. “Lily, I would nev er . . .”

“I kno w, R yle. You would nev er int ent iona lly hu rt your own chi ld. I
don’t ev en bel iev e it was int ent iona l when you hu rt me, but you did.
And trust me, I want to bel ieve tha t you would nev er do somet hi ng
like tha t. My father was onl y abusive toward my mother. There are