Page 272 - It Ends with Us

many men— women ev en—w ho abuse thei r signi ficant others witho ut

ev er losing thei r tem per with any one el se. I want to bel iev e your words
with all my he art, but you ha ve to und ers tand where my hes itation
comes in. I’ll nev er deny you a rel ations hi p with your chi ld. But I’m
going to need you to be rea lly patient with me whi le you reb uild all
the trust you’ve broken. ”
He no ds in agreement . He ha s to kno w tha t I’m giving hi m much

more tha n he des er ves . “Absolutel y,” he says. “Thi s is on your term s.
Ever ythi ng is on your terms , okay?”
R yle’s ha nd s come toget her again and he beg ins to chew ner vously
on hi s bottom lip. I sens e he ha s more to say, but he’s doubting
whet her or no t he sho uld say it.
“Go ahea d and say wha tev er you’re thi nk ing whi le I’m in the mood
to talk about it.”

He tilts hi s hea d back and looks up at the cei ling . Wha tev er it is, it’s
ha rd for hi m. I don’t kno w if it’s bec ause the ques tion is hard to ask
or bec ause he’s scared of the ans wer I might give hi m.
“Wha t about us?” he whi spers .
I lea n my hea d back and sigh. I knew thi s ques tion would come,
but it’s rea lly diffic ult to give hi m an ans wer I don’t ha ve. Divorce or

rec onc iliation are rea lly the onl y two options we ha ve, but nei ther is a
cho ice I want to make.
“I don’t want to give you false ho pe, R yle, ” I say quiet ly. “If I ha d to
make a cho ice today . . . I’d probably cho ose divorce. But in all
ho nes ty, I don’t kno w if I would be making tha t cho ice bec ause I’m
overl oaded with preg na nc y hormones or bec ause it’s what I rea lly
want . I don’t thi nk it would be fair to ei ther of us if I made tha t

dec ision bef ore the birth of thi s baby.”
He blows out a sha ky brea th and then bring s a ha nd up to the back
of his nec k, squeez ing tight ly. Then he stand s up and faces me.
“Tha nk you,” he says. “For inv iting me over. For the conv er sation. I’ve
been want ing to stop by sinc e I was here a couple of week s ago, but I
didn’t kno w ho w you’d feel about it.”

“I don’t kno w ho w I would ha ve fel t about it, ei ther,” I say with
complet e ho nes ty. I try to push mysel f out of the rocking cha ir, but for
some rea son it’s bec ome a lot ha rder in the past week . R yle walks over
and rea ches for my ha nd to hel p me up.