Page 267 - It Ends with Us

waving a ha nd toward the crib. He beg ins putting hi s tools back ins ide

the tool case. “Is there any thi ng el se you need whi le I’m here?”
I shake my head as I walk over to the crib and admire it. Sinc e I
don’t kno w if it’s a boy or a girl, I dec ided to go with a na ture them e.
The bed ding set is tan and green with pictures of plant s and trees all
over it. It matches the curtains and will ev ent ually match a mural I
plan to paint on the wall at some point . I also plan to fil l the nu rser y

with a few live plant s from the sho p. I can’t hel p but smile, fina lly
seei ng it all start to come toget her. He ev en put up the mobile. I
rea ch up and turn it on and Brahm s’s Lullaby beg ins to play. I stare at
it as it makes a full spin and then I glanc e back at R yle. He’s stand ing
a few feet away, just watchi ng me.
As I stare back at hi m, I thi nk about ho w ea sy it is for hu mans to
make judgment s when we’re stand ing on the outside of a situation. I

spent yea rs judging my mothe r’s situation.
It’s ea sy when we’re on the outside to bel iev e tha t we would walk
away witho ut a sec ond tho ught if a pers on mistrea ted us. It’s ea sy to
say we couldn’t cont inu e to love someo ne who mistrea ts us when we
aren’ t the ones feel ing the love of tha t pers on.
When you ex perienc e it firs tha nd , it isn’t so ea sy to ha te the pers on

who mistrea ts you when most of the time they ’re your godsend .
R yle’s eyes gain a little bit of ho pe, and I ha te tha t he can see tha t
my walls are tem porarily lowered . He beg ins to take a slow step toward
me. I kno w he’s about to pull me to hi m and hu g me, so I take a quick
step away from hi m.
And just like tha t, the wall is back up bet ween us.
Allowing hi m back ins ide thi s apartment was a hu ge step for me in

itsel f. He need s to rea lize tha t.
He hides wha tev er rej ec tion he’s feel ing with a stoic ex pres sion. He
tucks the toolbox und er hi s arm and then grabs the box the crib came
in. It’s fil led with all the trash from ev er ythi ng he opened and put
toget her. “I’ll take thi s to the Dumpster,” he says, walking toward the
door. “If you need hel p with any thi ng el se, just let me kno w, okay?”

I no d and someho w mutter, “Tha nk you.”
When I hea r the front door close, I turn back and face the crib. My
ey es fil l with tea rs, and no t for mysel f thi s time. Not for the baby.