Page 290 - It Ends with Us

rel ations hi p with hi m bec ause she took the nec es sary step s to brea k

the pattern bef ore it broke us. And it wasn’t ea sy. She lef t hi m right
bef ore I turned three and my older sister turned fiv e. We lived off
bea ns and macaroni and chees e for two solid yea rs. She was a sing le
mother witho ut a colleg e ed ucation, raising two daught ers on her
own with virtually no hel p. But her love for us gave her the streng th
she need ed to take tha t terri fying step .

By no mea ns do I int end for R yle and Lily’s situation to define
domes tic abuse. Nor do I intend for R yle’s cha racter to define the
cha racteri stics of most abusers . Ever y situation is different . Ever y
outcome is different . I cho se to fashi on Lily and R yle’s story after my
mother and father’ s. I fashi oned R yle after my father in many ways.
They are ha nd some, compassiona te, funny, and smart—b ut with
moment s of unf orgivable beh avior.

I fashi oned Lily after my mother in many ways. They are both
caring , int el ligent , strong women who simply fel l in love with men
who didn’t des er ve to fall in love at all.
Two yea rs after divorcing my father, my mother met my stepfather.
He was the ep itome of a good hu sband . The mem ories I ha ve of them
growing up set the bar for the type of marri age I want ed for mysel f.

When I fina lly did rea ch the point of marri age, the ha rdes t thi ng I
ev er ha d to do was tel l my biological father tha t he wouldn’t be
walking me down the aisle—t ha t I was going to ask my step father.
I fel t I ha d to do thi s for many rea sons . My step father step ped up as
a hu sband in ways my fathe r nev er did. My step father step ped up
fina nc ially in ways my father nev er did. And my step father raised us as
if we were hi s own, whi le nev er onc e deny ing us a rel ations hi p with

my biological father.
I rem em ber sitting down in my father’ s living room a mont h bef ore
my wed ding . I told hi m I loved hi m, but tha t I was going to be asking
my step father to walk me down the aisle. I was prep ared for hi s
res pons e with ev er y reb uttal I could thi nk of. But the res pons e he
gave me was no thi ng I ex pec ted .

He no dded hi s hea d and said, “Colleen, he raised you. He des er ves
to give you away at your wed ding . And you sho uldn’t feel guilty about
it, bec ause it’s the right thi ng to do.”