Page 324 - The Truth Landscape Format 2020 1st Draft 19_01_2020

The relationship becomes negative and unstable when there are more than one negative element to every five positive aspects. An unstable relationship is one
with a negative sentiment bias, where one is likely to interpret nearly any action as negative and respond with defensiveness. In contrast, where there are more
than five positive interactions, you create a positive sentiment bias, where nearly every action is interpreted as positive. You respond with warmth, openness,
availability, understanding and acceptance.

So, the truth of staying in love, is to take great care in every communication, every word, gesture, expression, touch, agreement, every action involving your
lover and you. Each registers and is remembered by your love.

You can understand why staying in love is an ongoing challenge—and a demanding one.

We get the idea that love is spontaneous because falling in love seems to happen without much planning on our parts. It is described in song and poetry as
earthshaking, trance-like, struck by lightning, enticing, wonderful, and blissful, euphoria and fascination. Since all of us here have been there, we know that
that marvellous feeling carries a powerful promise of being too strong and too totally absorbing not to be long-lasting. We are convinced and most of us are
easily persuaded that love is spontaneous, it grows and maintains itself without us having to do anything much but give in to it!

But now we know that our love exists in and between us. It can be pretty scary. It makes it clear that both need to be careful of each other and develop new
skills designed to protect the love and help it grow; it is anything but spontaneous. Many positive actions may be impulsive, but they are not without thought.

Your Relationship as a Sanctuary

For many people, when problems develop in life, their relationship becomes an additional strain or drain instead of what it should be, the one
place where you can go in the world to feel safe, comforted and supported. You may not always be able to use your relationship this way,
sometimes you will need to find relief and answers from within yourself, in your own heart. Your relationship should be there for you as a
beacon of strength and comfort.

All too often though, instead of being with your partner, connecting with him to replenish your energy, we avoid them, fearing that being together will sap
what remaining energy you have left. At its worst, the relationship can become the source of your pain and heartache, if you both let that happen, which only
adds to your desire to escape.

If you are with the wrong person, he or she still has unresolved issues they can’t put to one side, you may need to withdraw into yourself to regain your strength
to either confront the situation or find the courage to leave. All relationships go through their times of emotional tension or turmoil. However, it should not feel
like this all or most of the time. Page324