Page 325 - The Truth Landscape Format 2020 1st Draft 19_01_2020

Every relationship is different, and only you will know the truth about yours. Your heart will know if your partner is capable of providing you with the
ongoing emotional support you need and that they will keep up with your rate of emotional and spiritual growth. If you find yourself trusting other
people with your innermost fears, pains and secrets, then you must question the truth about the long term future of your relationship.

The time to make assessments is not when everything in the garden is rosy, but when life throws its low ball at you. You deserve to feel that your partner
can be your emotional sanctuary, no matter what circumstances present themselves. You deserve the knowledge that no matter what happens today or
in the future, their arms around you will always make you feel that everything will be alright. If the feeling of comfort feels temporary, and you know
in your heart that it will be totally up to you to resolve a life problem, then they are not a true sanctuary. A sanctuary is a genuine place of refuge or
safety that helps you to feel genuinely safe. True sanctuary can only be provided by someone who knows enough about you and the problem and
potential solutions, to provide real comfort and support, not mere “there, there” platitudes.

Of course it follows that a sanctuary should be there for both of you. There will be times when both need the safety and refuge. If however, you find
that one partner is constantly using the relationship as a sanctuary provided by the other, then this is not a sanctuary, it is the most draining sort of one-
sided co-dependency. This doesn’t necessarily require partners to be problem solvers or fixers. In many cases, we don’t want solutions, we just want a
sympathetic ear, but there has to be a balance struck between providing a sanctuary and being able to access it yourself. Only you will know if the
balance is right within your relationship.

If you can’t find sanctuary in your relationship, you will look for it somewhere else. You can not deny your basic human need to feel genuinely soothed
and sheltered to ease your pain. If you cannot turn to your partner, you will look for other substitutes in the form of love, food, drugs, or alcohol,
addictive sex, incessant work, excessive spending, anything in fact that distracts you from resolving the issues at home.

Sometimes it seems less complicated to spend money, go out with friends or look for the solution in the bottom of a glass, than to turn to
your partner and say "I'm hurting or something’s missing with us" Sometimes it seems much less confrontational to work excessive hours or
take action that compromises your dignity, than to say "I'm frightened that our finances are so bad right now, and I need to know you're still
proud of me, and love me anyway." These are the precious moments of growth that will truly test your partner and the relationship. Faced together, they
can either nourish you or reveal to you that you may have to consider the long term prospects of a relationship where you are the only one growing.
Precious moments aren't always easy but they will always reveal the truth.

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