Page 189 - kf fyi for your improvement license eng 3-4-15

Brain booster

Empathy helps us feel and understand the emotions, thoughts, and intentions of others. It’s the social and
emotional glue of good relationships. We’re born with this skill, but as we grow up, our social learning
gets in the way. In the workplace, emotions are often labeled as irrational or unprofessional, so we learn
to control them. But developing empathy is simpler than you might think. The general belief used to be
that to empathize, we had to first perceive the emotion of the other person, process it to understand it,
and then determine our response. Neuroscience provides us with a simpler approach. Turns out, we just
need to play chameleon. When someone expresses an emotion, it activates something in our brains
called mirror neurons. These cause us to simulate the same emotional expression. Through this
simulation, we understand the other person’s emotion. Happy. Sad. Excited. Frustrated. So, others smile;
we smile. Others frown; we frown. Through this natural imitation, we are able to feel what others feel. And
here’s the bonus—not only do mirror neurons help us empathize, they also lead to rapport-building.
Research also reveals that when we behave similarly to others, there’s more chance they’ll like us and
30
want to cooperate and connect.

Tips to develop Interpersonal savvy
1. Not tuned in to people’s styles? Be interpersonally flexible. People have different backgrounds,
perspectives, attitudes, and approaches. The key is to listen and to understand them. Look to the
obvious. What do they do first? What do they emphasize in their speech? How do they interact?
People have different styles—pushy, tough, soft, matter-of-fact. To figure these out, listen for the
values behind their words and note what they have passion and emotion around. Show your
appreciation of different styles. Flex yours, within reason, to be more in tune. This can be essential
when working in a global context or outside of your cultural comfort zone. Understanding and
managing differences is essential. Basically, people respond favorably to transactions being simple.
Make it easy by accepting their normal mode of doing things. Don’t fight their style. Work with it. Tune
in. Don’t defend your own style. Welcome theirs.

2. Unapproachable? Adjust your style. Arrogant? Insensitive? Distant? Too busy to pay attention?
Not listening? Instant output? Sharp reactions? A bully? Don’t want to be that way? Read your
audience. Do you know what people look like when they are uncomfortable with you? Do they back
up? Stumble over words? Cringe? Stand at the door hoping not to get invited in? You should work
doubly hard at observing others. Always select your interpersonal approach from the other person in,
not from you out. Your best choice of approach will always be determined by the other person or
group, not you. Think about each transaction as if the other person were a customer whose business
you wanted to win. How would you craft an approach? What do you say or do that makes them look
uncomfortable? Do less of it. What is it that makes them appear more at ease? Do more of it. What
makes them retreat altogether? Stop doing it.

3. Selective interpersonal skills? Accommodate differences. Tend to relate more comfortably to
certain people? Find yourself talking to the same people on a regular basis? Challenged talking with
people at certain levels of the organization? Analyze your discomfort. Where do you avoid interacting
with others? With whom are you hesitant? Push yourself to interact with a wider variety of individuals.

© Korn Ferry 2014-2015. All rights reserved. WWW.KORNFERRY.COM

189