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show you have understood their perspective. Recognize when you are feeling defensive and let it go.
When the other side takes a rigid position, don’t reject it. Ask why—what’s behind the position, what’s
the theory of the case, what brought this about? Separate the people from the problem. When
someone attacks you, rephrase it as an attack on a problem. Take a deep breath. Calm yourself
down before responding. Refrain from justifying yourself or your behavior. You just may surprise the
other individual enough to calm them down before you respond. Choose your response to an attack.
Sometimes, if the attack is personal or unreasonable, the best initial response is to do or say nothing.
If all else fails, defuse the situation by asking for a break and schedule some time at a later date.

Want to learn more? Take a deep dive…

Davey, L. (2013, October 19). Can I be happy at work if I don’t like my teammates? Psychology
Today.

Wademan Dowling, D. (2009, March 11). 7 Tips for difficult conversations. Harvard Business
Review Blog Network.

Whitmore, J. (2014, January 13). 5 Ways to be a better listener. Entrepreneur.

12. Having trouble connecting? Be authentic. People know when they’re dealing with a fake. When
you’re real with yourself and others, you will find it easier to make authentic connections. Authenticity
is not an act. You need to know yourself, who you are, and why you are who you are. Only when you
have spent some time with yourself can you be real with others. Build genuine relationships by getting
to know others more deeply. Not just at the surface level, but know what’s important to them, their
motivations, their goals, and their fears. Only by being true to who you are can you encourage others
to open up to you. In our digital world, it’s easy to put up a facade through social media and electronic
communication. Authenticity happens face-to-face, over coffee, at a client site, through a firm
handshake and eye-to-eye interactions.

13. Don’t have time for relationships? Make networking a priority. You don’t have to go to a
conference or special event to get to know people. Find time in your daily interactions to build your
internal network. Ask questions in the elevator. Chat in the line at the coffee shop. Get to know the
people you see on a daily basis. Drawing on your network in a business context is much easier when
you have honed it in an informal context. Utilize every opportunity to interact meaningfully with others.

14. Skimming the surface? Be attuned to social cues. Understanding the underlying dynamics of a
conversation or a relationship helps you influence and connect with others. When others respond in
an unusual manner, there may be more to it than meets the eye. Observe interactions. Watch how
people respond. Try to understand the underlying interrelationships between workgroups and
individuals. Listen for more than words. What are people saying and not saying? Who works well
together? Who doesn’t get along? What are the unspoken expectations? What are the cultural
norms? Make a guess. Use your analytical skills to understand the social and interpersonal dynamics
of the situation and respond accordingly.

© Korn Ferry 2014-2015. All rights reserved. WWW.KORNFERRY.COM

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