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signaling disinterest with actions like glancing at your watch, fiddling with paperwork, or giving your
impatient “I’m busy” look. When possible, schedule face-to-face or web-based meetings instead of e-
mail or phone interaction.

8. Shy? Make the first move. Lack self-confidence? Generally hold back and let others take the lead?
Feelings of being too vulnerable? Afraid of how people will react? Not sure of your social skills? Want
to appear confident even when you’re shaking inside? Have consistent eye contact. Ask the first
question. For low-risk practice, talk to strangers. Set a goal of meeting new people at every event you
go to; find out what you have in common with them. Talk to people in various social settings and test
the outcome. The only way people will know you are shy and nervous is if you tell them through your
actions. Watch what non-shy people do that you don’t do. Practice those behaviors.

Want to learn more? Take a deep dive…

Goldschein, E. (2011, September 9). 19 Ways to overcome shyness at work. Business Insider.
Schwartz, T. (2013, January 23). What if you could truly be yourself at work? Harvard Business
Review Blog Network.
Smith, J. (2013, March 11). 10 Non-verbal cues that convey confidence at work. Forbes.

9. Quick to judge? Be a better listener. Listening is an action, not a passive response. When you’re
quick to make a judgment or interrupt to make a point, you’re not a good listener. Ask questions.
Show appropriate non-verbal behaviors. Listen and summarize what you are hearing. Restate what
you’ve heard to confirm understanding. Show your curiosity about the other person and their
perspective. Good listeners get good information. They do not pass judgment. They gain an
understanding of the message the other person is trying to get across. Listeners get more data.

10. Find some people challenging? Be savvy with people you don’t like. In every organization there
are people who are more difficult to get along with than others. You’ll have an easy rapport with some
and feel tense around others. Is there someone who makes you want to hide round the corner when
you see them coming? Do you dread being stuck in the elevator with them? What should you do
about these people? First step, get to know them. There is rarely a person who is fully unlikeable. By
getting to know them better, you may be able to make a connection. Don’t let your previous feelings
about them get in the way of building a fresh relationship with them. Draw a line in the sand. Start to
see them as someone you are just getting to know. Do you have common interests? What are their
strengths? What is important to them? Put your judgments on hold, open up your thinking, and take
some time to understand who this individual is. A fly on the wall should not be able to tell whether
you’re talking to friend or foe. Talk less and ask more questions. Show that you care by dedicating
some time to them. This builds goodwill and trust.

11. Are you a target? Turn around tense transactions. What if you’re attacked? What if venom is
flowing? What if someone doesn’t like you very much? What if everyone is angry and upset? Listen
first. Allow the other side to vent and blow off steam without reacting directly. Remember that it’s the
person who hits back who usually gets into the most trouble. When emotion is in the way, people
cannot deal with facts. Let them talk. Keep your cool. Ask clarifying, open-ended questions. “Why is
this particularly bothersome to you?” “What could I do to help?” Summarize what you are hearing to
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