Page 342 - Under the Cover of Darkness

and episodes including Bi-Polar, Post-Traumatic Stress
Disorder, Self-Harm and Suicide attempts alongside
physical chronic illnesses and now cancer and this is the
nearest I’ve ever got to actual psychology input /
counselling or anything other than being given tablets to
take. I am due to start counselling after my operation in
February. I think the poor counsellor might get a bit
more than they bargained for when we finally unscrew
the lid on the jar of mental worms I’ve been carrying
tightly for the past 4 decades untreated! She mentioned
they do Art therapy so who knows, when I am fully
recovered I might be able to offer my services being an
Artist who has ran therapeutic art workshops and worked
in counselling etc. myself.......

23 January 2015 —
DONT JUDGE: It took me a long, slow, painful 3 hours
to get up, showered, dressed, made up, and put jewellery
and perfume on before being helped into the car under a
huge blanket with water and painkillers.....helped back out
when we got to the counselling place and the counsellor
looked at me and said "Oh you’re obviously one of those
people who don’t feel too ill on the chemotherapy by the
looks of you!" I suppose that’s what they call
"complimentary therapy" ( bah boom!)
I explained to her I have learned over time one of my
"mistakes" has been to massively mask and conceal all the
negative feelings under a glamorous, humorous, facade of
coping but the danger of that is people believe what they
say and every so often there’s a deluge when I can’t hold
stuff together any more. I told her to assume I feel
approximately the opposite of what I look!