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The only other inartistic information we really need to keep are the facts that, one,
we're choosing between Alabama and California and, two, that we're going to build
rental units.
The total number of houses in each location is certainly extraneous. While some
people might find these figures interesting, they are so broad that they do little to
advance our point, partly because:
They include housing that is not for rent.
They include housing that is not vacant.
The numbers are very large and, consequently, difficult to process when
pronounced aloud: one million, nine hundred and sixty-three thousand, seven
hundred and eleven.
Similarly, while some people might find the total number of rental housing available
in the various locations fascinating, the numbers:
Do not differentiate between available housing and unavailable housing.
Are very large and, consequently, difficult to process when pronounced aloud:
seven hundred and eleven thousand, six hundred and seventy-nine.
Knowing the percentage of vacant, rental housing in California and Alabama might
be useful in showing the relationship between vacancy rates and available units.
However, it is a little redundant because we are already going to present the more
poignant vacancy rental rate. If too many numbers can seem cumbersome, then we
should leave out any that are redundant and, in our example, cut the percentage of
vacant rental housing.
These edits would not only make the passage flow better because it would remove
the more difficult-to-digest numbers (mainly the number of houses and the number
of vacant houses), but it would also make the more poignant statistics stand out.
TX Marketing II: Negotiation Techniques 31
