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He Said She Said

Robert Judith A.

Tussey Habert

This is not about politics. This is not about who is right or wrong. This is I do believe that you make a very good point. A close
about recognizing that the battles we fight (in life) are always made stronger friend once told me that no statement of fact should
with allies. There are no social issues facing us today that are not made include the words never, always, ever, or none, and I
better by acknowledging our allies and our supporters and embracing their do feel this is a very good point. Not every man feels
part in a growing history of breaking boundaries and stretching the mores that women are inferior, nor does every woman wish
of our social fabric. I have talked (at length) in this column about strong, to male bash on every possible occasion. If we do, then
supportive men who have stepped up to the challenges of becoming better we are no better than the men out there who continue
fathers and men. I have talked about surrounding myself with men who to believe that women should not make the same
represent the good father, husband, and family dynamic that is so necessary wages for the same jobs or, perhaps to take it even
today: How we’ve stepped up to the plate. As a man, I must lead by example further, believe that a woman’s only role in life is to be
of what a man’s place is in the home, workplace, and in public. I don’t barefoot and pregnant.
tolerate men who mistreat women nor will I count them as friends. These Generalizing is dangerous, and in past years this is
are core beliefs of so many men today. what has kept prejudice thriving in our country. The
Women, for generations, have grown their place in society from the stereotypes about sex, race, physical appearance, or
subservient secretary/mother/wife to positions of power and leadership, nationality have kept people from getting top jobs,
both at home and in public/social life: And your growth is continuing advancing in current jobs or even being allowed into
exponentially every day. You are proudly representing yourself and your some social events or venues.
sisters and growing your voice in the world community. Believe me when I It seems that it often does take going to an extreme
say that we support you. No, not all men feel this way but I am confident to get even small changes, but there has to be a
in saying the majority of us do. Old standards and walls are being broken balancing out in the end. People need to understand
down, but where do we go from here?
the consequences of their actions and realize that
The Pendulum Effect affects everyone. Simply put, when an issue in your people can change.
life needs to change and there is opposition, you must start from where you Here is one thought that may not be taken well by
are – a pendulum swung to the upper left (no political statement meant) male readers - especially the younger ones: I do feel
and decide what you want/need as the end product – a pendulum at center. like a lot of what one would consider “Gentlemen
To get there you often must push the pendulum to the upper right of the Qualities” are no longer practiced by the younger
arch, an extreme position, to force the issue back to the middle thus gaining generation. Perhaps, the women’s movement is
the change you desire. In women’s issues this has been as true as in any responsible for the change. We wanted to be equal
other social dynamic. And there are always hurt feelings along the way. But so therefore men don’t believe in opening doors for
societal change is accomplished within this paradigm.
women, or paying for dinner when they are out on
In the current climate of women’s issues and the changes that need to be a date, or driving them home and walking them to
accomplished, men are being marginalized as part of the problem (of which the door to be sure they are safe instead of meeting
many are). The difficulty here is that there are so many men who support them at the restaurant or bar? There was a time there
this movement, are vocal about it, and are integral in creating the change, (I think in the 60’s) when a man would be chastised
but are being left on the sidelines. We are allies in this revolution. I have for doing any of these things by the feminist women,
seen so many divisive statements in the media/press/FB that take the men but when was the last time you yelled at a man for
who care out of the equation. I know women have been marginalized for far holding a door, paying a bill or seeing you safely to
too long, but to use that as a tool to eliminate the support of so many good the door. This may in fact be a prime example of the
men, would be missing the point of progress. We are here, we stand strong, pendulum swinging too far and men not realizing
and we will always support you. Let us. that we wanted it to swing back some.

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