Page 101 - my SUCCESS! my CHOICE

Deepak Gupta my SUCCESS! my CHOICE
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With a smile he addressed his team, “what you just witnessed is an exceptional example of

engagement in win-win flow manner after demotivating lose-lose friction just one hour back.

Tom engaged Rob with empathy and transparently explained the reasons for losing it. And

Rob immediately responded with similar transparency and empathy. Conflict resolved in win-

win flow!” “This is great. But could the earlier friction have been avoided?” he asked.

It was Paula who replied, “Yes. I think it could have been if Rob had prefaced his question

with what he explained later. I will use Rob’s words but paraphrase them for better

understanding.” She paused and continued, ‘I really like your proposal Tom. It has the potential to

improve productivity on many of my production lines. I plan to invite you to my Leadership Team meeting so

that we can review it with my team. However, I need a clarification……’, the discussion one hour back

would have been different and positive.”

“Excellent Paula. Questions or Ask is a critical part of communication. Most of us do not

realize the power and associated risks of Ask. Let me give you a simple example. Many years

back, one of my older team members, who was rather tardy and curt in responding to my

questions, provided me an incredible insight. He said and I quote, ‘please do not begin your questions

with a ‘why..’; I find it intimidating and somewhat insulting. Instead, if you use – ‘please help me

understand….’, I will be inspired to genuinely help you understand.’ Unquote. I have always followed

that suggestion.”

They exchanged glances and smiled as they now knew why Dan’s questions always began

with ‘please help me understand…’