Page 83 - my SUCCESS! my CHOICE

Deepak Gupta my SUCCESS! my CHOICE
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but conflict resolution will still require even more work later.” “The other thing to ponder,”

Ron continued, “while lose-win is Surrender Point for me, it is the reverse win-lose Ego Point

for you! So, by my flight, I am unconsciously building on your ego!”

Dan started feeling worse with the realization that what he considered help may have

instead harmed Jonathan.

Seeing him deep in thought Ron stopped talking and looked at him inquisitively. “Is

something the matter Dan?” he asked.

“No Ron. I have just begun to understand some missteps of the past. Thanks again. The

smog of ignorance is clearing.”

“Great. Let us move on. The point 1 Ego Point way of conflict resolution is called Fight.”

“Is it the confrontation that you said is essential to resolve a conflict?” asked Dan.

“No Dan. There is a significant difference. Recall we discussed that in win-lose I not only

want to win, but also want you to lose. Conflict resolution here is by dominating the other –

win at all cost! It does not resolve but prolongs or intensifies the conflict. The opponent who

might not be ready or is unwilling to fight back now, may choose flight for the moment, to

return stronger later. Bottomline, the conflict remains unresolved.”

“Confronting in this context is to recognize the conflict and tackle the real issue head-on

without either aggression (win-lose ego) or defensiveness (lose-win surrender) -- fight the

issue, not the individual. The most important aspect is to engage; go beyond the wants to

understand each other’s needs and evaluate if and what are the synergies. Such engagement