Page 304 - Reason To Sing by Kelita Haverland

Reason To Sing

This is just all so ugly and heartbreaking and I hate everything
about it. But I can’t lose him. I can’t lose this little family. I just
can’t. I will not fail at this.
After a few more days in Judy’s good care, I feel I have
enough strength to leave the safety of her cocoon. It’s time
to face my new reality. So much is unknown, but I have to
continue to trust and believe that God knows what He is
doing. He will find a way to save my family.
The rhythm of the train is soothing. I am definitely in a
better place than when I left home. I know now for certain that
I want this marriage to work. The love I feel for this man can
only be a gift from God. There is no other explanation. How
else would I be able to even think of forgiving him – and so
quickly?
As soon as I am home, a therapist/friend comes over. Gord
and I are put through some intense crisis counselling. This is
in your face therapy, asking the hard questions. I am literally
shaking when she bluntly asks Gord, “Do you love Lenora?”
There is a pause and I brace myself for the worst.
“Yes … yes I do.”
Oh God help me. It’s so hard to hear these words.
“Do you want to be with her,” she asks.
“I … I … I don’t know,” he fumbles. “Yes … maybe I do. I
think so.” He drops his head into his hands. “Oh God, I’m not
sure,” he whimpers, obviously confused.
“So, Gord, what I hear you telling me is that you love
Lenora and think you want to be with her. Where does that
leave things with Kelita?”
“Well, I care about Kelita. I care about my family.”
She continues to drill him. “Yes, I hear you, but do you love
Kelita?”
“Yes,” he responds emphatically.

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