Page 305 - Reason To Sing by Kelita Haverland

Chapter Forty-Seven

“Are you wanting to remain in this marriage?” This woman
is relentless.
Gord is getting uncomfortably flustered. “I … I don’t know.
Sometimes yes. But I’m just not sure right now.”
The therapist turns to me. “Kelita, you’ve already said you
love Gord and you want this marriage to work. Correct?”
I am feeling weak but in control. “Yes, more than anything.
But not if he doesn’t want it. I can’t deal with him faking it or
lying about it or pretending. I cannot handle any more pain.
I just can’t. If his love is not real and true, then I do not want
him.”
Finally, the walls are coming down! No more lies! We are
punching a hole through the dark side and as difficult as this is,
I think I even see a glimmer of light.
The session ends with the mutual conclusion that Gord is
confused and doesn’t know how he feels or what he wants. He
believes the right thing to do is to be a husband and a father.
However, his heart doesn’t feel like being my husband right
now. He doesn’t love me the way he thinks he needs to. He is
still in love with the other woman.
These are hard truths for me. Really hard. They are not what
I want to hear. Not even close, but God is giving me immense
strength. I feel like Samson with a full head of hair, ready to
take on every tough challenge and win.
“Kelita, what would you like to see happen right now then?”
The therapist looks directly into my eyes. “What would be the
best thing for you and Keldon?”
I take my time responding, looking down at my feet. I have
been working up my strength for this response and now I can
finally verbalize my thoughts. My palms were already sweaty
but now my whole face is on fire. I take a deep breath, look up
and speak with firm resolve. “Gord needs to move out. I don’t

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