Page 306 - Reason To Sing by Kelita Haverland

Reason To Sing

want him living here, especially knowing how he feels. He has
to make a choice. I can’t live like this anymore. I won’t live like
this anymore.”
It’s terrifying for me to imagine Gord not living here. What
if he loves being on his own? What if he decides to leave me for
the other woman? What if he doesn’t want to be married to me
anymore? So many what-ifs and I hate them all.
But it is the only way, this I know. If my husband doesn’t want
me and our family, if he chooses someone else and something
else, well … so be it. Keldon and I will move on.
A few days after our intensive therapy session, Gord finds
a furnished basement suite about 10 minutes away. It’s our
first night at home without him. Keldon and I snuggle up for
his bedtime story. It’s hard to keep my mind on the story but
my son’s sweet prayers jolt me back to the present. “God bless
Daddy and Mommy and me and Grandma too. And cars and
trucks. And Jesus. Amen.”
My heart aches for this little guy. I don’t want him growing
up in a broken home. I’ll do almost anything so that won’t
happen to him. Almost.
I pull my baby close and wrap my arms around his small
shoulders. “Keldon, Mommy and Daddy love you so much.
And God loves you more than anyone.”
He plants a big kiss on my lips and I give him a huge hug.
He reciprocates by wrapping his little arms around my neck. My
eyes well up and I can’t help but squeeze him just a little tighter.
As I turn on his night light and close his door halfway, he blows
me a kiss. “Sweet dreams Keldon. See you in the morning.”
I sit in silence on the same couch where I’ve sat so many
times before, alone and brooding. I can’t believe it has come to
this. But I realize that the truth does feel better than the not
knowing. Doesn’t it?

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