Page 164 - Chayei Adam LAYOUT sivan 5782

Chayei Adam - K’lal 144 - Laws of Erev Yom Kippur

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declare in front of them that he already asked forgiveness. If he asked him
properly but he still refuses to forgive him, he is called a sinner and cruel as this is
not the character of a Jew, but rather than that of Eisav, about whom the navi
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says, “and he keeps his fury forever”. If however, his intention (in not forgiving)
is for [the sinner’s] own good, in order that he shouldn’t be prone to doing so, he
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may [do so]. If, however, he slandered him and defamed his character, he is not
obligated to forgive him, because there will be people who heard the slanderous
words but didn’t hear that he asked for forgiveness and will still believe [what was
said]. Nevertheless, one who wants to attain humility should forgive him anyway,
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even if he slandered him. If the person he wronged has died, he cannot achieve
forgiveness unless he takes ten people and stands by his grave barefoot and
declares “I have sinned to Hashem and I have also sinned to so-and-so”. Then, the
others should answer him “you are forgiven, you are forgiven, you are
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forgiven” [three times]. [This works] even if he slandered him. If the grave is
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more than three parsahs away, he should send an agent. If a person insulted or
embarrassed a dead person, he need not go to his grave, but should simply ask
forgiveness in the place he embarrassed him, but he must repent for
transgressing an early cherem not to slander the dead. 36

םדו רשב

30. The Mordechai writes that if the 32. The gemara (Yoma 87b) reports that
person he wronged doesn’t want to forgive for thirteen years, Rav went to ask R’ Chanina’s
him, he should assemble a minyan of ten and forgiveness. Although this goes against the
tell them that he has wronged this other rule that one should only ask for forgiveness
person and sought forgiveness, but was three times (see above, note 29), the gemara
refused. Since, he has lowered himself in explains “rav is different”. Although Rashi
doing so, Hashem will forgive him. The Maharil explains that Rav acted stringently, and went
far beyond his obligation, others (Rif, Rosh,
records the words of the Mordechai but adds Rambam) seem to understand that “a rav”,
that he should only do so after he has asked meaning that asking forgiveness from a
for forgiveness three times. person’s rebbe, is different, and R’ Chanina
didn’t forgive Rav right away in order to teach
31. Amos 1:11 him a lesson. (Beis Yosef)

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