Page 15 - Have Faith Nov

A Brand New Look

conflict raged so hard. With that said, But let’s get back to the faith I needed to
let’s pick up the story. sort out. I had been raised as a Catholic.
Something I could not go back to after
...So there I am, A Catholic raised, serving in Northern Ireland. My big
battle hardened veteran with a million problem was my past. How could I tell
life questions running around my head people I was a Christian when I had lived
with no answers. The mental health a very unchristian existence? My answer
professionals could not get to the root came after reading about St Paul. I
of my PTSD, my Faith had literally been related to him so much. He, like me had
smashed to pieces in the military, and I an unchristian past. Yet, he turned to our
was at the point of losing all hope. Yet I Lord as you all well know and gave his
found myself sat in the military chapel of life in the Word of Christ. I think the big
a Cathedral (It seemed the right place for point for me was, he was human. Had
me to be) asking for God’s help. human faults, had human tendencies
and yet showed that change was possible.
I was answered. Not straight away, and That was it.
not in any way which would challenge
reality but subtly and in the right timing. So, for me I have become a student of
It came with the urge to write down Christianity. Let me explain how I see
everything in my head. I don’t know why that. Firstly, I still do not feel worthy to
as I was never academical or anything call my self a Christian. But my learning
special with the English language but to be one has begun. I am still making
I had to just write. The result was mistakes, though not as big as they were,
spectacular. I wrote a poem which I still do not know everything I should
seemed to spark the beginning of the end about my faith but I have the rest of my
of the PTSD. I can remember weeping life to learn as much as I can. My final
uncontrollably for hours after writing it. test will be standing in front of God
When I calmed down, for the first time in on the day of my Judgement. If I am
years, I felt a sense of relief and peace, welcomed into His house, I will have
qualified to be a Christian.
The next 5 years, in short saw me create
a whole network of assistance to help To me, this thinking will keep me on a
veterans. I have to say, so many lives good and true path but I will always be
were not only changed but certainly open to learning and not in a position
saved. The bottom line was, I was now which puts me above myself. So I have
doing the job that God had wanted me to begun by writing my reflections and
do, Everything I had been through, had thoughts in the hope that they may be of
learnt, had suffered was all parts of God’s use to others. Where I go from here, I do
plan for me to be in exactly the right not know but I’m sure God does and he
position to help others. God truly had will let me know in his own good time,
answered, Not only had he answered me, After all his timing is faultless.
he had been there all along,
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