Page 394 - Under the Cover of Darkness

without the convenience of chairs or the pleasantry of
music. Then, finally our "food" (and I’m playing it fast n
loose with the term food) was lobbed at us in a screwed
up paper bag. My "Whopper" was a scrupled mass the
width of an egg up, the depth of a pancake and devoid
of anything even pretending to be cheese or bacon. I
took it back to the counter, placed it partially exposed
from it waste paper wrapping looking so limp and
pathetic it’s the 1st time I’ve ever felt a piece of food
actually emit the emotion of embarrassment and said to
the queue fascist "I asked for a deluxe whopper and got
THIS. Clearly something’s gone very wrong." She did a
multipurpose snort that was a combination of Ha Yeh,
Sorry and Hold on and then I waited again while they
fetched the so called Whopper. It was boxed, it had
bacon on it, still no cheese but I was losing the will to live
so I attempted to eat it and the bread was stale it
disintegrated into a million crumbs leaving me to grapple
with a greasy disc topped with slippery salad in slimy
mayonnaise. I gave up. I couldn’t even eat the razor sharp
rock hard shards of potato yuk they’d kindly dumped in
the bottom of the bag. Apparently it was a "self-clear"
area which is a piss take after £20. I’m not paying 20 quid
to transport a pile of shit from the counter to the bin. I
cleared everything bar the burger which I left with a note
on a serviette saying worst burger ever! Lesson learned.

15 September 2015 —
WTF Award has this "beach" won?! Shittiest Beach on
Earth, most suicide attempts on 1 beach? Guinness
Record for most garbage n shite receptacles in 10 square
feet? This is the entire "Beach" in this shit (sorry I meant